BL NC* - $29.75 // Kzka ↑4.½ - $22.0 // Nar ↑0.¾ - $37.0 // Ser NC* - $37.50 // SaiCha ↑15.0 - $45.0 // JkuSM ↓2.½ - $20.50 // GaKu ↑2.¾ - 33.0 // Eprxy ↑2.0 – $32

Monday, August 28, 2006

Ergo and Ouran fail, but Zero no Boobs surprises

ASX Index for August 28th

A Word From Some Jabroni
Pretty exciting week on the index again.. although mostly in the shape of huge drops for series as that lightbulb in my head exploded and told me to grab my ass because this series is stuck in major turbulence.

But the silver lining to that is that it also meant I could do some pretty bare-bones recaps, which is win for me anyway.

And on that subject, posts may become even more sporadic than usual (like a week between isn't enough) because I want to get back into learning 3D graphics for a bit, and I'm a horrible multi-tasker.

So enjoy this weeks recap, and I'll try not to dissapear off the face of the earth.

Crayotic Rockwell

The Week In Recap


Sans Akira's backstory of wank, Air Gear had a decent—if not particularly spectacular—end to the week. The hostile takeover by Beheamoth Corp. was thwarted, Agito got a thermometer up his ass, and police were assaulted by hostile fingers.

There are many unanswered questions after this Saturday, but the most pressing concern by industry pundits is not where the story goes from here, but whether or not Akito remains hard gay for Ikki.

AIRG screen
AIRG took the blows, but managed to counter with a 1/4 rise.


What the hell is going wrong here? You've got the biggest and raddest ensemble of badasses since Black Lagoon (I'm talking about Marciano's 12 sisters, not those washed up pussies on that piece of junk ship) and you make use of their talents in fucking space battles, are you kidding me? Coyote Ragtime, you fail life.

RAGT screen
RAGT took a gut shot of 3 points as investors grow weary of the space stock.


The president of Ergo Proxy was faced with an ultimatum this Wednesday: A) Step up your game or B) Suck ass. It's clear from episode 16 that they chose the option more closely associated to syphoning oil from a man's colon.

The following product seen in episode 17 had much tighter quality control restrictions placed on it it seems, but unfortunately the damage had already been done. Ergo Proxy continues to hang in there by a thread.

EPROX screen
It was no laughing matter as EPROX took a mammoth 6 point hit this week.


The killerloli conglomorate had an AWESOME week after Wednesday sent everyone into a flying rage of unbridled justice. Even the docile Rika-chan got in on the action, causing one homeless man on a parkbench to state for the record:

Bitches done gone crazy!

Many investors agreed with this no-nonsense assertation of the company, and as a result caused stocks—which many expected to drop by several points this week—to slightly rise from their previous numbers.

When asked for her opinion of trader's reactions, Rika-chan was quoted as saying: "Nii-blaghngfgfd *hak hak*"

HIGU screen
HIGU rose a further 1/4 point thanks to Shion's awesomeness this week.


Analysts wondered Where was all the genki and vigor that Muteki was known for was this Tuesday. While it's beginning was solid, by the end CEOs could do nothing but watch MTEKI's floor price drop while everyone else impatiently waited for an 11 minute punchline to drop.

MTEKI screen
Investors took it on the nose as MTEKI dropped a half point this week.


Ouran Host Club delivered many more laughs than expected this Tuesday evening, but no amount of monkeys could save the company from consumer's building apathy towards the weekly product.


  • If there's one good thing Tsuyokiss did, is that it taught us that daikon is also another term for a bad actor.

  • Points off for not letting Haruhi do some bad singing like Mikuru-run. Huge opportunity missed.

  • OURAN screen
    OURAN was hit and run by a 4 point drop; the second largest loss on the exchange this week.


    While the content this week was fairly good, it couldn't shake the feeling that Tuesday's show was seven minutes filling stretched out to twenty. There is also some serious concern that Misaki is coming off more detestable than the creator's intent, which could even wind up being be a deal finisher for the series if it got out of control.


  • Try out copernicus' technique. It garauntees results! XD

  • NHK screen
    You won't beat Nagato if you only use one finger!


    This Monday's product had so much fluffery going on that it put the supporting no-name porn actresses in Housten's 600 man gangbang shoot to shame. But judging by the trading taking place, it was fluff that entertained consumers.

    Not only was their ample doses of Yuuko FTW® (in her best outfit eeeverr), there was also cameos from plenty of other fan favourites (and other less as adored. Hurry up and die already Himawari) which helped keep the episode rolling along.


  • What's up with Watanuki hitting on Himawari in front of the vestal spirit? What a cad!

  • I love this new ED. It's the only one I actually sit through on a weekly basis. I dunno if it's the air guitar or music, but it's rad.

  • Shiro Mokona ruled. Was just like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, but with ears.

  • XHOLC screen
    The effects on Watanuki's glasses blew out all of xxxHoLIC's budget for the year.


    It took some time, but Zero No Tsukaima has started to show promise after what could only be called a Several deadly episodes of Zzzzz. Analysts still have doubts concerning the immediate secondary cast, but as long as Saito is fighting racial predjudice and macking hos the future looks bright for mahou shareholders.

    ZEKAI screen
    Zero Louise was shocked to see ZEKAI and Saito's pants get a 3 point gain this week.

    Monday, August 21, 2006

    HOT DEAL$$$: Help me spend my quasi-money!

    Totoro coffee
    Should I prioritize some Totoro coffee?

    It's no stretch to say that when someone needs an anime education, my peeps from animenano consider me the go-to-guy; a village elder, if you will. But despite this fact, I have only ever seen three Studio Ghibli films. Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, and Howl's Moving Castle.

    But that's all about to change. Because y'see, just lately I've become quite flush, and I'm rolling deep in DVD vouchers. I feature that I'll use this opportunity to catch up on things, but I'm gonna need some help.

    I'm probably going to have enough paydirt to get 3 or 4 movies, but I'm at a bit of a loss which Ghibli titles to go for. The Anime Stock Exchange would appreciate it if you could point me in the right direction with some kind suggestions.

    Oh, and even though I am much of manly, I don't mind pussing out every now and then, so don't worry if you got girly opinions.

    And I prefered Spirited Away over Princess Mononoke for what it's worth (it just bummed me out too much)

    The big red shake up

    ASX Index for August 21st

    A Word From Some Jabroni
    Lots of big changes this week. Three shows delisting. Two nearly went bankrupt. And others took huge hits as I shook my head and realized that they just kinda suck more than I thought.

    Of course the real important news is that I'm blogging again! there's been lots of Negima!? previews, and thankfully it's looking pretty darn spiffy (check the ticker if you're searching for a link).

    Oh, and of course, how can we forget the Transformers news that has millions of fanboys crying like little girls because there's no Soundwave in the movie? I could care less about that, but the new designs do look a little off to me. Like too complicated. Although I also think anyone that wants to see Megatron turn into a tiny handgun 1/1000th of his size is just high on nostaljuana.

    But yeah, I could really care less as long as Starscream is whiney, things blow up, and there's big chase scenes.

    And that's it for today. Enjoy the recap.

    Crayotic Rockwell

    The Week In Recap

    AIR GEAR 17-19

    Many wondered why Air Gear couldn't have been more like this from the beginning (although those in the know know the answer is because Toei was too busy making the original manga storyline somehow stupider and rousting monkeys that could hold a pencil).

    Critics have said that battles lack logical explanation of techniques and counter-techniques and that the supporting characters watching from the sidelines don't make good enough "ZOMG!" faces to make this a top tier program, but recent stock prices have proved that the product of late has entertained investors marginally from before, nevertheless.


  • Heart Bag mask > Croissent Mask

  • Crayotic is not a fan of introducing pivotal characters so late in the story. It displeases the state.

  • AIRG screen
    AIRG faced all it's critics head on and managed a 2 1/4 rise.


    The Black Lagoon Company finished it's short run this Friday with the advent of Rebby's tits. BLAGN experienced an initial dip in immediate trading, which was expected after the peak of the Mad Dog Meido arc, but with the help of "Yes it is" Lady and the Chow-Yun-Fat-from-The-Killer-not-Bulletproof-Monk'alike Mr. Chan, they managed to keep a strong momentum for it's final stock price, despite an odd non-end to the financial quarter.

    Black Lagoon was quite a surprise hit from the previous season's offerings. It started out quite clearly a series about blowing shit up while looking cool doing it, and while it never strayed from this path, it did throw a major curveball in the form of compelling dialogue that not only kept you from hitting the skip button, but actually stood out as some of the highlights from it's episode run. Something that many actioneers can't claim likewise.

    It was also nice to see badass characters on my computer monitor tv screeen again. For far too long has the action medium been plagued with a bunch of liberal pussies. Black Lagoon brought back memories back of the wild west, Charles Bronson, and Arnold Schwarzeneggar when he was in Twins—shit, I mean Commando.

    With a perfect blend of big action and the animation to back it; vibrant and immoral characters for not only the main but supporting roles; and down-time that was more than just typical anime filler, Black Lagoon was more than just the average wham-bam action series many expected, and wound up being a break-out secrurity that has investors impatiently waiting for it's return in 2007.

    BLAGN screen
    BLAGN cashed out at 57.00, a quarter point rise from the week before. We are awaiting word on ass carving.

    BLOOD+ 39-42

    Baby Jesus weeped as he came to realize that all the good guys have no skillz0r in this show. Kai sucks, Saya sucks, Haji sucks. The only tough guy left is Solomon, and even he appears to have gotten weaker since turning to the boring side.

    The stock took a downward spiral on Tuesday when four episodes back-to-back finally made investors realize just how much this series is dragging out. Unfortunately for many, it seems to be a case where they've invested so much time into BLDP, leaving them in too deep to just get out and drop all stock at this point. Hopefully for them, things will be picking up in the near future. The VERY near future.

    BLDP screen
    BLDP took several full point drops of 4 this week. More is expected in the future.


    Despite lack of the grenaloli, Coyote Ragtime finally picked up and stopped bollocking about and gave us some visual comedy along with lots of people pointing guns at each other. The only thing keeping it's stock price from really prospering was Franca remaining kidnapped for all of two minutes, the relating rescue attempt having no flair, and all those cockpit shots during the aerial fights.

    Many analysts agree that they wish someone would pull a Kyoto-arc on Rurouni Ragtime and stick each of the 11 sisters in seperate rooms where they would have to be defeated one-on-one after lots of special attacks and flashbacks.

    RAGT screen
    If August plays a bigger part in subsequent episodes analysts expect RAGT stock to see larger gains than a 1/4 point.


    There's a well known phrase: Absence makes the heart grow fonder. It's lesser known cousin, Absence makes an anime fan realize how crappy a series has gotten has not been as widely taught in educational facilities.

    Analysts praised Ergo Proxy's innovation in exposition this episode and the fact that a sub was released after several months of waiting is amazing by itself, but it couldn't stop investors from taking a long hard look at the company, and general consensus seemed to be that Ergo Proxy is only going to fall further from it's original success the longer Vincent Law remains alive, Pino or no Pino.

    EPROX screen
    CEO of of Ergo Proxy is desperately hoping they can turn around their stock's downward spiral.

    GUN X SWORD 23-24 (DELIST)

    In one of those rare cases for anime, Gun X Sword managed to deliver an ending that was not only fitting for the show, but managed to blow it away. After 22 episodes it finally came together with lots of angry faces, and enough burning passion, justice, and other stuff that would make Jpmeyer weep on his Gundum kit. All the right people lived, and all the right people died (although Carmen could have brought the pain a little more with that cheap slut).

    And unlike Rozen Maiden Traumend (recapped below) they were sure to tell a denoument worthy of their investors.

    However, some analysts are putting a damper on the festivities, claiming that the bulk of the series was so bland that a blow-off that stands apart from the bulk episodes was an easy feat. There is some truth to this, as we see GXS started out quite solid on the exchange but quickly became a bottom stock after it's mid-year earnings, and up until the very end it was on the verge of going bankrupt several times.

    The weakness of it's stock is also a testament to just how well they delivered the final two episodes. Even after a great deal of apathy for the company, the creative heads for Gun X Sword somehow managed to pull it's shareholders back and make certain they saw them through to the end.

    GXS screen
    Carmen99 was amazed that GXS managed to make it this far, let alone cash out in the green.


    After a lot of floundering about, Higurashi showed it's distinction to the exchange as everyone got tasered in the face. Some remain skeptical whether or not enough will be explained to make sense of the preceeding 17 episodes by the end of the company's annual take, but for now investors seem content with Shion's violent warpath of 20v vengeance.


  • Is it me or does Takano bear a resemblance to Fasarina from Gun X Sword?

  • So how bout Mion's bewbs eh? It's Prison Girls Gone Wild up in here!

  • HIGU screen
    Oogabooga, HIGU saw a half point rise this week.


    A rival Mushishi tried to muscle in on Ginko's spot this Wednesday, but was quickly shown that that he don't play 'dat. Ginko's manly action of holding it down further bolstered investor's confidence in the company as they move into the final couple of episodes.


  • I could have sworn this was the last episode, what with the no-credits and everything, but a searcxh of raws and ANN seem to think otherwise. Weird.

  • MUSHI screen
    It was a tough week for Ginko, but he managed to gain a 1/4 point on top of MUSHI's already strong floor price.


    The Invincible Poster Girl is proving itself to be the sleeper hit of the season with more great violent comedy than you can shake a ramen container at. Several insiders have said that Toshiyuki is looking to be a lock for an MVP nom come the end of the year. Toshiyuki is said to be "pleased should it come to fruition. Gao."


  • Not much of Onimaru's mum in this, but loli-chan's operation: date failure, and scolding of Toshiyuki more than made up for it.

  • I LOLed hard at Kankuro punching Onimaru through the love letter. Perhaps that's a sign that there's something wrong with me.

  • MTEKI screen
    MTEKI had all the other comedies licked this week, with a 2 1/2 jump.


    Ouran took a fall this week after an unbalanced Monday. While it had a strong second half, the laughs were far too sporadic for investor's liking. OURAN has been following this formula for a while actually, and it's stock price seems to indicate that it's really starting to take it's toll on the series overall standing.


  • "Looks like him?" He looks less like Honey than he does a shota version of that jobber from Honey & Clover.

  • OURAN screen
    A 1 and a half point drop showed that consumers weren't having as good a time as Honey and Usa-chan thought.


    The premiere doll factory took a dip as it cashed out of the exchange due to a weak ending and any denoument slightly bearing a resemblence to satisfaction. Investors enjoyed seeing the animation budget that had been hoarded from about episode 6; especially fun was the fight with all doll's powers combined, and Shinku proving herself to be master of the MMA mat game.

    Unfortunately that couldn't shake the fact that this company needed an extra two or four episodes in it's annual output to really put some polish on that last financial quarter.

    A prime example of this was when top board member, Souseiseki, left the company. This should have had all the punch that Hinaichigo's exile had (ironically, this came second so should have theoretically been at a disadvantage), but Souseiseki didn't get enough time to contribute anything worthwhile—beyond bad clothing—to the company and as such got sent off with about all the fanfare of a corporate cutback.

    Final hour flaws aside, noone can argue that Rozen Maiden Traumend was surprisingly a major player on The ASX this year for a number of reasons, but mainly due to it consisting of one of the most fun and fleshed out harems ever seen. Suiseiseki being nominated for the MVP '06 award doesn't hurt either.

    If you're ever presesented with a letter for shares in RZNT that asks: Will You Buy / Will You Sell? Make sure you circle the first option.

    RZNT screen
    RZNT may have rested a little for it's last week, but it didn't stop it cashing out #3 on the index.


    Like Ergo Proxy this week, investors collectively wondered "who cares?" regarding the tsundere corporation, who took a long hiatus after it's surprisingly flacid debut. If it wasn't for the odd bond of Sunao and Otome at the end, Tsuyokiss would have found itself going Enron all up in this bitch.

    As stands, they're only a thread away from having all their books audited. Which will not be a pretty sight.

    TSUYO screen
    TSUYO hit the floor with a 5 point flop.


    The badly drawn, supernatural corporation was so close to being shut out from the CRAYDAQ index at the beginning of this week, when investors decided they just didn't really give a shit about what might happen in the final stretch of xxxHoLIC's financial span and a new American live-action season began vying for their attention.

    On Thursday, however, it managed to just keep itself afloat in the water with the timely assistance of a giant neko, the vestal sprite, and some Yuuko FTW!® The press release for next week's output promises more continued cameos from the past — which may have very well saved XHOLC's skin for now.

    Analysts can only pray that more Yuuko FTW!® is planned in the near future as well.

    XHOLC screen
    Yuuko helped XHOLX stay in the game with a 1/4 point rise this week.

    Wednesday, August 09, 2006

    Editorial: Uber-colloquialisms are for lazy writers, and Nyoro~n

    Preface: I just wanna say that there'll be no weekly stockmarket update this week.. sickness got to me, and I just really don't feel like straining myself to be funny. Nor do I feel like dealing with hundreds of screencaps. So yeah, hopefully things will return to normal next week.

    Readers: "This has nothing to do with the post!"
    Me: "Nyoro~n"

    So I'm reading about Del "Southern Master" Rey's translation of AIR GEAR (dunno why, since you only need to look at the pictures) and I spot this little gem:

    Japanese: "Here Pochi. (It can't be helped.)"
    Del Rey: "Eat my shorts- it's what you get."

    Oh hell naw, I know you didn't just write that!

    This is why I think you should be required to have a licence to use colloquialisms, and if you do some wack adaptations, you get put on probation; no localization for a month for you. (this should apply to puns as well.. in fact, no; they should be banned and treated as a deadly weapon, and only with special authorization from HQ can you use them)

    I don't mind a bit of usage here and there when it works (y'know, the minor stuff), but with some manga I've read it seems as though some people just go nuts with it.

    Here's some guidelines I've drafted up. Failure to adhere to any of these will see one's licence revoked so fast you'll think Doc and Marty in the Delorian are cruising 20.


    1a. Think about your characters.

    Does what you're writing fit in with the character you're trying to portray? Ask yourself: would an upstanding samurai really say "ain't gon' be" or "snakes on a muthafuckin' plane nigga?" If not, you may be in violation of wackness.

    1b. What sort of person is using these phrases, and how does the average person view them?

    While the dialogue you may be putting in the lead character's mouth may sound authentic, does it also make them sound like any other tryhard tool saying this stuff? If the answer is yes, you may be in violation of wackness.

    2. Don't be afraid of writing normal.

    Many people in real life speak quite normally (Contrary to popular translating belief, not all teenagers speak crazy fresh slang for dat ass) and it's a weak writer who can't make dialogue sound interesting and dynamic without relying on flashy colloquialisms (source: me).

    If you are worried that by giving a literal translation you're not leaving enough of your mark on the adaptation, you may be in violation of wackness.

    3. Don't be obvious.

    You know how talented writers in film and television and comic books manage to keep their dialogue from not feeling instantly dated? They use less mainstream slang and phrases in their work. The average consumer may not be familiar with it, but it still works because it just sounds right. And when they do go for the mainstream, they go for timeless references.

    If you're thinking of mentioning George W. Bush in your next adaptation, you may be in violation of wackness.


    Take a long hard look in the mirror and ask yourself: do I actually have any fucking clue what young people are saying nowdays? Do I actually know why something sounds cool? If you're a writer in his/her mid-thirties and think that "if you smell what The Rock is cooking" and "eat my shorts" is hip and edgy, there is no doubt in hell... that you are in violation of wackness.

    Aww, so cute.

    I know this all really means jack shit, and there's plenty of good writers out there not doing this.. but I just had to get it off my chest. I'm sick and tired of seeing half-assed writing efforts made on licenced manga just because people don't seem to give enough of a shit (on either side).

    I'm not asking for the world or a translation so literal that the original kanji pokes me in the eye. I just want to be able to read manga without groaning or feeling embarressed by the prose I'm getting assaulted with. I'm just asking for the adapters to have a little bit of self-pride really, because I can't imagine that any of these shoddy lines I see here and there and wherever are a product of some guy patting himself on the back and saying "ooh yeah, that's money work."

    I take in a lot of disposable media, but the only thing that seems on the level with some of the manga issues would be kids television. But y'know, at least they're consistant with it (always wack.. whereas you can read several chapters of a manga with no problems and then suddenly WHAM, what the hell was that?) and the demograph is clear from the get-go.

    I dunno, maybe that's just the difference between being someone who writes original tales, and someone who just filters those tales out to another audience.

    I think that's enough complaining for one day. This ain't swiss cheese porn.