BL NC* - $29.75 // Kzka ↑4.½ - $22.0 // Nar ↑0.¾ - $37.0 // Ser NC* - $37.50 // SaiCha ↑15.0 - $45.0 // JkuSM ↓2.½ - $20.50 // GaKu ↑2.¾ - 33.0 // Eprxy ↑2.0 – $32

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Nov 29 Soul Eater week

A new week in this financial times with the economy slowly trying to pull its way back up to the average.

"yay, xmas ninja sluts, the best!".

Every thing on the rise accept those that didn't deliver making a poor mark on their portfolio.

Bleach - ↑ 3.0 $24.75

Kurozuka - ↑ 1.0 $24.0 total

Naruto - ↑ 9.¾ $29.75 total

Soul Eater - ↑ 10.½ $32.0 total

Seto no Hanayome Jin - ↑ 6.¼ $25.0 total

Jigoku Shoujo Mitsuganae - NC* $23.0 total

Bleach ( BL) – The appearance of Zaraki Kenpachi boosted Bleach this week by $3 by being the only damn man ever to kill a guy, still heavily sedated with filler content with faint flickering's of plot, Bleach enterprises still manages to baffle shareholders with employee idiocy. Designated healers standing next to fatally injured people, the so called fastest arrancar espada that takes 3 minutes to pull out his katana to kill a half dead person in the middle of a warehouse, but never quite made it because he decided to have a conversation with someone 50 meters behind him and a so called “execution squad” of 20 heavily armed, masked warriors that walked away after some lady said “hey, I'm just going to heal all your enemies and that guy with ginger the pimp fro', because hees fly”.
Needless to say management has been put under review. Bleach stocks coming to rest on $24.75 a share.

"Bout time someone died..."

Kurozuka (Kzka) – Slow starting already as the company takes a turn for paranoia this week leaving stockholders feeling they are watching a show of “Lost” but with an even less coherent plot than usual. The emergence that now anyone can have magic powers stumped buyers into thinking “wow so being a vampire that passes out all the time is lame if I can control awesome trees instead!”, has now shaken the company to the core in realization that they blow, and are now copying Naruto. The market players have also noticed that the main director of the company, Mr Kurozuka, has recently lacked strategic planning and is an idiot face for just now figuring that he knows nothing about his psycho girlfriend of a thousand years that managed cut his head off last Thursday. Kurozuka gains $1 for comedic value from ripping off a Keanu Reeves movie, coming to rest on $24.

"I sure am feeling some SPEED right about now, that must have been a 50ft gap!".

Naruto (Nar) – Blowing away this years budget in a single episode, boggling the minds of stock and business analysts alike, Naruto has come back from the age of the fillers where a single show depicted one punch that was easily blocked by the enemy while falling into some pointless backstory showing his/her motivation for blocking said punch that then lasts 22 min. This week, two characters from the Akatsuki have arrived, that I expected to die within the hour, have just won my respect. It may be that they use their awesome techniques one after the other while just punching everyone in the face using hand to hand combat, or it may be that one of the dudes is so manly that he can stab himself in the balls so hard that anyone watching dies. Without becoming an editorial, I would rather see Ino, Choji and Shikamaru die before these two badasses do. Due to the epic fight sequence and QUALITY this week Naruto goes up $9.75 a share, coming to rest at $29.75 total

"its hard so show action in a single pic that doesn't suck, so have these hardass fellas instead".

Soul Eater (Ser) – Soul Eater coming out in full force this week, boasting character development and kickass of Pimpslaping proportions. Up a whopping $10.½ a share mostly attributed to a newly revamped Black Star. Finally a character that talks the talk then walks the damn walk. With less plot armor, the fights matter, new hidden powers, although hes the strongest already and a blatant disregard for social rules in the face of others who think they matter, this alone has made the show the new top dog. With any hope ,black star will pull the world economy out of the hole it dug, just using his manlyness. This editor also takes back every thing Ive ever said about him even knowing its his fault that the demon god broke free. Soul eater now rests on $32 a share.

"Fuck you, thats why".

Seto no Hanayome Jin (SHJin) – up $6.25 to $25.0 a share this week after being instructed that there is no new season and “Seto no Hanayome Jin” is just an OVA. Big wall street players cry foul at false advertising to bump up share prices and demand blood but the company has made a counter attack with a 14 episode marathon to keep it afloat. A bold move on management part, with most of their hardware out the door there is little shenanigans left to keep them going in the long run, banking heavily on more OVA's, hopefully this tactic will keep buyers coming. Mermen, rejoice.

"somehow reminds me of jojo."

Jigoku Shoujo Mitsuganae (JkuSM) – No change as product was not released this week, but with an episodic nature, no story line was lost and it holds its niche in the market at $23.0 a share.

"I have a quota to fill, so have some Blare instead".

One leg is half as long as twice the other.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Hiatus no more. ASX now with 20% more hate.

I'm keeping it short and sweet. No fancy formatting or anything. To sum it all up, the ASX is back up and running, no thanks to me (except for y'know, putting together a fucking sweet site and all), and full credit to Morgin Black because he's far more motivated than me when it comes to putting up faux stock reports on anime series.

Now before you get your imaginary hopes up, that doesn't mean you can look forward to daily updates and all that kind of stuff that real blog-things do (insightful commentary included). We're still lazy. When I say he's more motivated, I just mean he's more motivated than me. Or a rock.

He also has no class, so you can expect to look forward to that in the comment section. Should we ever get any.

Oh, one thing of interest. The site has been on hiatus for like a year, but somehow I have continued to get replies to my subtley-titled "Air Gear Blew" post, without fail. I can only presume that there are a lot of people googling for Air Gear related blow-job porno that feel very let down when they are directed to the ASX.

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Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The Run Down

For the sake of interest we are starting a few again on twenty, for market balance and because of bush's depression, but thanks to the government Bailout for my Christmas bonus, more traders are on there way for the new fiscal quarter. Just enough time for us to find some new running anime made not of fail, loli, and pedo.


Last weeks trading went well mostly due to fillers drying off but stockholders are holding out for more in these torrid times.

Bleach - ↑ 1.¾

Kurozuka - ↑ 3.0

Naruto - NC*

Soul Eater - ↑ 1.½

Seto no Hanayome Jin - ↓ 1.¼

Jigoku Shoujo Mitsuganae - ↑ 3.0

Bleach ( BL) – coming quietly out of the gates, somewhat unexpected after a tedious filler arc that cut midway through an episode leaving buyers hungry for more. half the cockfights themselves are filler, thought up by management to be a good money saver, where the slightest breeze launched an opponent into the air for several minutes. After the 5th time, the “Road runner” effect kicked in and children globally stopped caring if coyote was really hurt this time. The emergence of new eye candy countered this problem in the company but was limmited in the long run as it did not deliver in 50% increase of underboob as promised in the business plan. As of now Bleach is standing on $21.75 a share but looking to climb.

"No underboob.".

Kurozuka (Kzka) – A new series of immortals/vampires, combined with bullet time, katana's, post apocalyptic story lines and generally unpleasant antagonists that quickly move the story romance aside leading to a no fuss bossfights where people actually die, Only the 6th eap in, it has the market jumping for more driving the shares up $3 coming to a rest on $23.0 in the first weeks trading.

"who else just thought of the streetfighter movie?".

Naruto (Nar) – steady on $20 giving shareholders the feeling of “left without”. They are ninjas, so I ask you, when did it go out of style to just stab your enemy in the neck and leave stealthily without them knowing it. Few people today can remember the last time someone was just punched flatly in the face and the emergence of elemental affinity's and techniques with there weaknesses combined people talking like they have been there all along since the beginning of the company have left buyers with the feeling of a big walrus sitting at the family dinner table, but only you can see it.

"Very rare to see actual fighting these days e.g hands and feet".

Soul Eater (Ser) – Excalibur filler episode for comic relief. Up $1.50 for the enormous amounts of troll, catching a niche in the market and coming to rest at $21.50

"Same for you, naruto".

Seto no Hanayome Jin (SHJin) – The only item to fall this week. $1.25 down, for making stockholders wait 2 weeks and counting for delivery without so much as a email, investors are willing to sell but thanks to the great opening week where on many occasion a “lol” was herd, they are being advised to hold on.


Jigoku Shoujo Mitsuganae (JkuSM) – new season of an episodic yet strangely addictive anime that combines people getting whats coming to them (if they are innocent they get it twice as hard) , nakedness, lesbians, hell, the blare witch project, contract killing and kickass. Rising $3 a share to $23.0 Jigoku Shoujo has now become the new lucky favorite to bet on, this editor hopes it will become even better when it develops a story but insider trading disputes this and hopes that it wont. "Why change a winning formula"?

"She will fuck you with a rake".


Monday, November 17, 2008

Market trading

Welcome traders, Morgin Blackwell James Rosenberg here, new to the front lines on reporting in the battleground states of the world stock markets.  The godly luck we have been given to be in the depths of the worlds 3rd depression where the market battles are there fiercest and most exciting is an excellent time for a young apprentice to first make his mark under the watchful eye of the founder of the Bilderbergers and the man who wrote the rules on how wall street works today (its just a bunch of old guys playing restricted paper scissors rock) Master Crayotic.

THE ASX IS OPEN IN 3 DAYS, hold your balls people and don't let go