NHK falls and Black Lagoon returns with balls

A Word From Some Jabroni

So there's a live-action of Mushishi playing at the Venice film festival around now. That kinda came out of the blue. Hopefully they haven't screwed it up with bad CGI or some emo looking teen idol playing Ginko-san.

Speaking of that, I saw Basilisk's live-action movie the other day; "Shinobi: Heart Under Bore." As you may tell from my witty play of words, I was fond of it none too much. And it's not because Basilisk: The Anime was so awesome, it was just because it clearly sucked ass.

The fighting was zzzz, and the drama was too poorly staged to allow for the copious amounts of overacting (I can handle melodrama but this felt way off). And the casting—oh, the casting!

Gennosuke just came off as an emo crybaby punk who should be updating his myspace instead of fighting ninjas. And Yukie Nakama; I love you as Yankumi, but you were quite awful as Oboro-dono. Save the cartoon expressions for Gokusen season 3.

But forget that. Onto the stocks. Black Lagoon is back bitches!

Crayotic Rockwell

The Week In Recap

AIR GEAR 13

This was a truly piss poor week for Air Gear. It was truly embarressing. Story was weak, messed up facials was at an all time high, animation was awful, and they cut more corners than a seemstress. The most insulting part of it was being slapped in the face with a wrestling match from out of nowhere that took up several minutes of screentime mid-episode.

And let me just make this clear right now:
I do not need—nor want—to see a team of AT riders in wheelchairs.

AIRG got crossbody blocked with a wicked 1 3/4 drop.

BLACK LAGOON 10

Wednesday was it's return to the index, and Black Lagoon showed it's pedigree and further widened the gap between itself and the other gold ranking stocks, with the closure of the Roberta Patrick arc. And what better way to end it than with a teary eyed reuinion between meido and Master... the bollocks!

Notes:

Rebby looked like one of the Higurashi girls this week.

Isn't there still 4 episodes left? Swimsuit and matsuri filler?

Young Balalaika looked kinda hot. It's not the scar which puts me off nowdays; it's that suit with those giant shoulder pads.

BLAGN's full point rise saw it standing tall above the competition.

BLOOD+ 36

BLDP saw a small increase as David got serious this week, and did his best Clark Kent impersonation. Haji and Saya made out much to Kai's dismay, but polling proves that Kai is a poor sack of meat that is still trying to kill vampires with guns anyway.

With a little under twenty episodes to go, consumers hope that Saya breaks out of her lame streak sooner than later, lest this turn into a case of ROD The TV where Nancy only goes into Miss Deep mode in the last 2 minutes of the series.

A 1/4 share increase keeps investors looking up optimistically for BLDP.

COYOTE RAGTIME SHOW 3

Coyote Ragtime refused to let up on the action, but it lacked punch this week, with it's bouts being incoherant and without focus. An effort of downtime was made in the middle segment, but a Don King looking preacher singing like a j-pop idol is just plain disturbing.

The biggest problem this company seems to have in front of it right now is a desperate need to get it's characters and problems across. Mister and the crew aboard Serenity lack connection with the audience; Angelica and doujikko are reduced to cameos; and despite a looming character death, the 12 sisters got only bare minimum face time. (and in regards to their conversation, I don't blame them. I've seen those Gothic Lolita outfits, and they ain't cheap)

One has to wonder what the episode count is on this, because this looks to be a classic example of the creative staff trying to get a 26 episode series into a 13 count.

Mister is eyeballing a top spot on the index, but a point drop for RAGT is not the way to go about it.

HIGURASHI NO NAKU KORO NI 16

Moving into a Shion arc, it looks like Higurashi is finally willing to start offering up some morsels of information that people have been waiting for; "who is Keyser Satoshi?" for one.

Still, Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni has managed to jumble itself up so royally in the last two financial quarterlys that analysts expect it to take a lot more answers until HIGU stock starts moving significantly again.

The writers are far from letting everything out the bag, but as long as it continues like this, HIGU should see more gains.

OURAN HIGHSCHOOL HOST CLUB 16

This week was the real goods for OURAN. The drama was on form, comedy was top notch, and the twin meidos made a guest cameo also; always a recipe for success.

Notes:

Where exactly does Haruhi's hair come from for these girly scenes? Is it retractable?

Arai-kun is a young punk. Talk about pressing your luck at the end. He's lucky he didn't get it in his grill.

OURAN's 3/4 rise surprised many people this week.

MUSHISHI 20

Tuesday was a flashback to Mushishi's first day when mushi made pictures come to life and animation budgets break a sweat. This time it was not a young boy, but a woman who had the 9-tails demon fox sealed within her body could catch text out of thin air like Mr Miyagi.

The difference was clear between the episodes though, because Ginko loves the ladies and instead moved into full pimp mode, wearing a turtleneck sweater like Shaft.

The writing was on the wall (face) for MUSHi which saw a 1/4 rise in it's floor price.

PANI PONI DASH 26 (HECHOI)

The premiere otaku comedy wrapped up business after an extended release period this Thursday, and the exchange said it's goodbyes to Becky-sensei, twins, and the rest of the school in an episode that was complete and utter fluff, but also a somewhat fitting send off too.

PPD was an interesting stock to track, because while it didn't get out to a terrible start, it's first episodes couldn't be considered good either. It continued to stumble as they poured more and more characters into the soup, until it had probably had the largest active roster of the year.

But then, before investors knew it, Pani Poni Dash! and it's purposely cliched characters had managed to win them over, despite an overreliance on gags referential to fandom that is 97% off our radar.

A large part of this was due to the great character performance of the baka Himeko, depressed rabbit Mesousa, and one of the best fringe female characters this season; a-typical class president, Ichijou-san. This troupe ended up being PPD's three main comedy anchors.

It's recently been licenced, so those who missed their product offering will get a second chance on DVD. Hopefully for ADV's sake, the first bunch of episodes play better than they did the first time around.

PPD proved that comedy is not always as easy as clicking your fingers, but the results do come to those who persevere.

ROZEN MAIDEN TRAUMEND 7

Regardless of cosplay service, RZNT stocks faltered slightly this week as a number of serious questions were raised with investors.

Among them:

How did Suigintou get reduced to a walk-on extra after such fanfare was made to her return last week?

Is the increase of low detail SD a case of saving money for an upcoming closed space or concert scene, or is it just a case of being cheap for cheap's sake?

How can the most inept doll of the bunch also have the best weapon?

How did Suigintou manage to turn Shinku into such a pussy?

What is with all the bishis in that doll shop anyway? They planning on starting a host club up in here?

Kanaria ph34red the 1/4 point fall in RZNT's hot streak.

WELCOME TO THE NHK! 2

It's no secret by now that NHK is taking a less humorous tact than it's manga counterpart and on Friday it took a hit because of this very fact.

Which is not to say that the product being offered is subpar, but it is in no way destination viewing and many are already finding that a concious effort needs to be made to put aside time to watch NHK ni Youkoso! each week.

Analysts predict that added eroge will see stocks pick up next week.

Investors hope they chose the right path after they watched NHK take a 2 3/4 dive.

XXXHOLIC 13

XHOLC stock rose as Himawari's arms grew to orangutan proportions. This Tuesday the supernatural company delivered one of it's best tales since Spooky Monkey Paw, and the return of the pipe fox ensured it's success with investors.

XHOLC took flight with a single point increase.

Editorial: Yaoi redux plus some original artwork

Don't be jealous Behoimi, it's just fantasy.

A little over 24 hours ago I made a post questioning the world-wide epidemic of yaoi and it's exact mechanisms.

During this time some have accused me of either a) hating gay people or b) being a closeted yaoi lover myself. The first notion is just ridiculous; my Mother is a homosexual man, and to hate gay people would be to hate the person who gave birth to me. And the second is just not possible, as it's already been made clear that Crayotic Rockwell is much of manly.

Yesterday, I changed a spare tire on a truck.

But with that out the way, I did decide to take stock and look at how these people may have come to the conclusion... and I realized that I do a lot of gay humour on this site (and I mean gay, not ghey. Although the last one is up to user discretion).

So I want to take this time to apologise for all the humor poking fun at people's sexual orientation.

Because I should be mixing it up with racial gags too.

Comic Sans is an awful awful font...

I did these back in Summer of '65, after I got my first real six-string '05 after I got my drawing tablet and actually did productive things with my time other than pointless recaps for an anime blog. I figured I could make a regular thing out of it and be famous on the interweb like all those other chumps that get huge fan followings from barely amusing strips.

I lasted about 2 or 3 weeks I think. But still, it was something.

"Maho?" Hard to believe Pani Poni Dash! was running way back then.

Hung will probably hate me for this post, but Blogger doesn't have catergories to define this off-topic so what can ya do? :) I guess I can try to make it anime/blogger related in the wrap up, and reflect upon the state of the yaoi and what I now know, one day later.

Well, I now know that men prefer to watch The L Word than fat lesbians with crewcuts making out, and that yaoi is made "for women by women." Just like those shitty Jennifer Lopez movies, albeit with knobs.

Yaoi still remains a facinating phenomena to me in that sense. And I'd get a real giggle out of it becoming as mainstream as mediocre romantic comedy films. This is something we should all be pushing for, I think.

A question is still left though: would FYGs (a sighting of at least one has been made) get into live-action yaoi (or for a better term: "gay porno flicks") if it was made with their sensibilities in mind? You tell me.

Editorial: Yaoi. For fag hags or just fat fangirls?

I do believe I'll steal Hung's gimmick.

This yaoi revolution is an alien thing to me. One, because I don't much find myself thirsting for other manpenix, and two, because it hasn't really been probed that throroughly (job for the animenano podcast perhaps?).

Y'see, I've got quite literally millions of friends. Some male. Mostly female (because I am much of a macho guy). Now the dudes, they like to see chicks making out—I get that. But the girls? Can't say any of them have expressed interest in seeing men grope each other in funny places. Many actually seem to abhor it.

and I one up you a Rokugo, good sir.

So I'm curious, do FYGs dig all kinds of homoerotic male sex? For instance, is Brokeback Mountain considered "kakoii sugoii Pocky!~" or does it only apply when the participants of said gaysex0r are thinly drawn bishounen with large eyes and angular chins to split coconuts on? Do roses and cherry blossum leaves in the background make a difference?

The other question I have is yaoi actually developed for gay people in mind? Is there a bunch of burly gay men buying yaoi to read on the subway, or is it the Fat Yaoi Fangirls striking once again?

I believe these questions need to be answered for the good of the community. If you are a fat yaoi fangirl, fag hag, or hard gay, we want to hear from you.

Even in sickness, a weekly update is inevitable

A Word From Some Jabroni

I wish I could tell you that this week is the most hilarious and bodacious stock exchange report you'd have read. But that would be a huge lie.

I've been sick for most of the week, so not only has this meant only the most simple efforts to get this post up and running, it also means that I've watched far fewer shows than I normally would have (although my bandwidth is owned so I'm not even sure how true this is).

Anyway, enough dilly dalying. I gotta blow my sinuses clear across the room.

Crayotic Rockwell

The Week In Recap

AIR GEAR 12

Is that character development I smell? Holy crap, it is! Air Gear rocked the nation with this break from tradition, as Ikki's team with the big freakin name won their first Parts War battle.

Including the aforementioned development, AIRG saw a small bump in price with other contributing factors being fanservice, a broad who looks like Kuukaku cross bred with Yoruichi, and more Agito/Akito than you can shake a stick at.

Everyone was happy to a 1/2 gain for AIRG.

BLOOD+ 35

"BEECKYYY!! H-Hey, Himeko!" Pani Poni Dash! nostalga via hot seiyuu-swapping action and Marvel comic references couldn't save BLDP from dropping in the exchange, after what was largely 5 minutes worth of events happening in a 22 minute pocket. Investors expect it to pick up in the following weeks.

What's with this "stealing Riku's face" shit? Does he hold personal copyright on that hairstyle or something?

BLDP cracked under the pressure and dropped 1/2 this week.

COYOTE RAGTIME SHOW 2

Those who thought Coyote Ragtime may have shot it's animation wad in the first episode came out surprised when their sophmore week delivered another strong bout of BEEG ACTIONZ.

It was an entertaining show leading to a solid rise, but they broke a cardinal rule of the ASX: "Don't sell when noone's buying." Many companies make the mistake of getting too emo too soon, and Coyote Ragtime was no exception, giving us many moments of wrought melodrama before any consumers have had a chance to properly bond with the characters.

Notes:

I thought the OP would be a little more impressive than it was. It does make me feel as though we'll be treated to some non-action centric episodes though. Don't let a brotherman down!

Favourite sister so far? The Grenaloli! (AKA "October" AKA "The Wobbly Loli") I think it's the hat.

Episode was really cram packed.. perhaps a little too busy actually. However, it did help to take the sting from the premature emo-ulation. So consider it a tie.

They need to have three claymation EDs. One for the Coyotes. Another for Angelina and Titz. And another for the 12 merchandise killers. Agreed?

Me likey Angelina's lip flaps. "She got DSLs." - Apathy

Monkey bartender? BEST SHOW EVAH MADE!~

RAGT far from held the exchange to gunpoint, but it did make a nice 1 1/2 point gain.

HIGURASHI NO NAKU KORO NI 15

Stocks dropped on Thursday for the alleged killerloli corporation. While it was pleasing to see the timelines vaguely connected together, the overall product is suffering from a loss of direction and tone as the fiscal year continues. Analysts expect these issues to lift as answers are more forthcoming, but for now investors can expect a bumpy ride.

HIGU took a 1 point fall down the proverbial stairs of blehg.

MUSHISHI 19

Quentin Tarantino got a taste of his own medicine this week when Japan ripped him for a change. While MUSHI stock held strong, some were bemused with Mushishi's production this week.

One investor who wishes to remain anonymous said:

"This is set around the Edo period, right? We got people livin' in wooden huts and wearing straw hats... and bitch got herself a layered rack of hair! Japan got themselves some wicked stylists back in the 1800's no doubt kid!"

Mushishi doesn't just do MILFs, it does Lolis too.

MUTEKI KANBAN MUSUME 2

Another week, and already another rival has joined the cast in the fight against the shark-like Miki. MTEKI saw positive gains coming off a solid outlay of comedy with a number of abstract—but well appreciated—visual gags (eg. the recycle bin to represent Kankuro's memories, or the dueling trains complete with sweatdrops), much like Ouran Highschool Host Club utelized back in it's heyday.

Sources close to Dai Mahou Touge have said that Punie-chan is absolutely livid over another anime character using submissions during the Summer season, and is considering payback by delivering noodles in her third OVA.

Despite taking a beating from various bloggers, MTEKI was one of the biggest earner this week.

OURAN HIGHSCHOOL HOST CLUB 15

There are two things that the Ouran Highschool Host Club does exceptionally well. One being comedy, that had always been a strong force in the series, but the other had been noticably abscent of recent. All that changed when OURAN pulled out of it's stock dive and returned to making gay entertainment acceptable for fat yaoi fangirls straight men all the family.

Notes:

Beware Hikaru's penix! (and twin meidos? We don't blame you)

How great a fairytale would Ouran make if it was like this and not that weak Alice In Wonderland parody?

Mo gayness lit a fire beneath OURAN's flailing stock prices.

ROZEN MAIDEN TRAUMEND 6

Feeling the sting from Barasuishou's unimpressive debut, Rozen Maiden Traumend surprised everyone by placing Suigintou—long thought to have been retired in Florida—back on the board of directors. Some saw it as an about face for the company, but most applauded it as an cheap merchandising tactic a smart business decision.

It's unknown as to what capacity Suigintou and her deranged medium have signed on for, but it is to be believed that she will be taking a salary cut along with reduced duties from previous.

Notes:

No Suiseiseki this week? Booo.

Jesus Shinku, just fap each other off already!

Suigintou returned to 1/4 rise in RZNT shares.

XXXHOLIC 12

Doing nothing but writing spooky text on a wall for half the week may be one way to cut costs, but it's also another way to make people go to sleep. xxxHOLiC delivered a strong finish, but it was unable to make up for the other 21 minutes investors lost on it.

No wonder Yuuko's always laying down. Those cow udders are ridiculous!

More spookiness like this may have saved XHOLC from a 1/4 drop.

ZERO NO TSUKAIMA 2

Analysts like where it's heading, but not without concern. Read the latest ASX feature, Crayotic Knows Everything: Zero no Tsukaima for more indepth coverage.

A 2 point gain for ZEKAI proved that bondage is rad.

Editorial: The trappings of anime AKA Why I don't like Honey & Clover

Above: A scene you may see frequently in anime. Less so in "Gilmore Girls."

Magicks. Girls with guns. Lands, planets, and times that bear no resemblance to my own. Guys falling over and accidentally touching boob, immediately getting punched into outer-space by a tsunderekko. Fight scenes that take over ten episodes and three flashbacks to resolve. Gut-wrenching melodrama. A reality far removed from this world.

That's what I love.

Y'see, I like my anime BIG. Big action. Huge breasts. Epic tales that span the years. Giant facial contortions. Overwhelming slapstick. Humungous tenticles which may or may not be an analogy for cock. All that stuff; these are the reasons I watch those Japanese cartoons.

But don't mistake me for an ignorant heathen. No no. Because The Rockwell enjoys many a slow-paced, nuanced, simple series grounded in reality.

Just not in anime.

ASX Rating: Zzzzz/10

Let's take Honey & Clover for example. On page it's a pretty decent concept. The characters are likable, with depth, and some even have gimmicks. The dynamics work well. The stories are good. There's laughs and tears. Yet this is the series that ended up costing me a wristwatch, after my constant checking of the time while watching H&C wound up staring a hole straight through it.

But if this was live action? I think then there would be a pretty good chance I'd have the overpriced boxset sitting on my shelf right now.

So what's the missing ingredient? Real actors. This is the key to captivating an audience and holding them in place when you're selling a story that lacks killerlolis or giant mecha.

I don't care how awesome your seiyuu lineup may be; with a director short of God-like and an average animation budget it's just not possible to duplicate the same quality of layered performance that a living, breathing actor of good calibre will give you.

Aliens with rock guitars and robots bursting from a prepubescent teen's forehead? Anime is your go-to guy—no fucking question. Reality and subtlety? Not exactly animation's strong point. I'd go so far to say that it is it's weakness.

Is this to say that you are sucxkz if you prefer Beck to Magikano? Yes. No. So what am I saying? Not entirely sure myself. Perhaps I'm just saying that unfortunately anime isn't an all-in-one magic food processor, and sometimes you gotta hit up other forms of entertainment media for your fix.

Oh, and don't feel ostracized if you didn't like H&C. We can be pals.

ASX Rating: WIN/10