Comics With Non-English Words: Beck

A quick word on this new (hopefully) reoccuring feature. If you haven't noticed by now, I don't like doing reviews. They bore me, and I ramble on for far too long. So this probably isn't the most informative place for people on the fence. But regardless of that, I will be doling out my personal experience with a title, and more importantly, I'll post up some pretty pictures (that's really all you need isn't it?).

There's barely any manga posts on these blog aggregators anyway, so who are you to complain?

Crayotic Rockwell

You've probably heard of it. It's licenced in the states. There's an anime, and a manga before and post that. People love Beck. It's one of those titles that lends you some street cred, proving that you're a man of culture who can appreciate more than explosions, fighting tournaments, and accidental boob touching. So needing all the credibility I can get, a couple of weekends ago I devoted myself to reading a deluge of Harold Sakuishi's rock band manga. And I wish I could say something witty like "Beck rocks!" but this is less a case of rocking and more a case of rolling (over and going to sleep).

Koyuki is pretty cool when he's not acting like a mark.

Don't get me wrong, it's not terrible. I did manage to go through a whole 24 tankubons after all. There is some pretty good—perhaps even brilliant—material in it, but when looking back afterwards I just kind of scratch my head and think "that's it?" Like eating Subway for dinner. This is largely in part to the band's one step forward two steps back nature, and Sakuishi-san framing the story in a serious, real life manner. Which generally translates as underwhelming and repetitive (hey, I don't mind seeing guys slave away in a crap job once or twice, but after that I've got the point okay? Oh, and that fucking dream sequence—way to work the copy/paste button, guy).

The other problem is that it can't stick to a format. While it ambles along in slice of life mode for a lot of time, when it becomes neccessary to throw in some excitement, woosh! in swoop the moustache twirling BAD MEN (emphasis added just to show how evil they are) that have as much depth as your typical shounen villian. They certainly do add drama, but they feel out of place and manage to highlight the dull parts of Beck even moreso.

Zach De La Rocha Chiba-san takes part of one of Beck's bigger moments

And even with these antagonist foils, there's very little payoff whilst reading this manga. Not only does it feel like the band has accomplished very little (which is weird coz they actually have, but many *important* moments come off as not much more than footnotes), even worse it feels as though what they have accomplished can all be attributed to dumb luck or outside help. I'm not saying that I need Koyuki to develop a new guitar technique every concert to win over the crowd, or some kind of obstacle defeated each volume... but after twenty-four volumes?

Well, I certainly expect to have a greater sense of satisfaction than I do now. Off the top of my head, I can think of maybe 4 or 5 moments that stand out in the course of everything I read. Everything else is just a blur of them sucking on stage and raving like fangirls over Dying Breed (seriously, that part is just plain embarressing).

Sure, I could now give you a run down on I did like about it, but why spend more time typing text when there's plenty of other reviews out there gushing over it. Hit them up if you want to prove what a neanderthal I am.

Maho!

Now, I will say that churning through the series in such a condensed time may have affected my views on it somewhat. I can't say say for certain how it would have played out if I was to read a chapter or even a volume with a weeks downtime in between. I suspect it wouldn't have been quite so repetitive, but at the same time I also suspect that I wouldn't have bothered riding it out for the full 24 volumes either. Because while Beck is still continuing now, I know that I'm not interesed in following it.

"Sometimes once you stop, it can be a real effort to convince yourself to get back on."

(That's an analogy for all the pro-am unicycle riders reading the blog)

As old shows die, a new season begins (god no!)

A Word From Some Jabroni

I was able to clear several series from my regular viewing roster this week, and I am so estatic about that I can't describe the feeling in human terms.

Not only do I have a ever increasingly pathetic ADSL data cap and the looming Summer season that will stretch it to laughable proportions to worry about, over in America (y'know, that place without Pocky) midseason television has begun, which means somehow slotting Deadwood, Hells Kitchen, and a couple of pilots into my crammed schedule. Which in this case meant temporarily saying "Bleach, bai bai!" Others near the lower ranks may also find themselves getting nixed in the future weeks too, depending how things play out.

Hey, Al Sweargen > Anything else that breaths.

You'll see that a couple of new Summer series have been added to the ASX index. No doubt I'll wind up checking out a large chunk of the new material anyway, but a lot of that is depends on how hard the blogging community ends up shilling them. Only the shows that are guaranteed an initial lock on my roster—no questions asked will make it onto the ASX ahead of release stage.

As a last note, I just want to mention something about Gun X Sword and it's performance this week. You see, it was actually a pretty good episode, and the series has been getting increasingly better, but at the same time this isn't getting reflected in it's stock price. Reason why this is is because as time goes by, the more apparent it becomes that GSX really is just kinda crap.

Sometimes our analysts make these kinds of mistakes. But hey, that's the nature of the stock market after all.

Crayotic Rockwell

The Week In Recap

AIR GEAR 9

Air Gear wowed everyone on the floor as they rivaled Kyoto Animation in terms of insane animation output and sheer—

Ah, who are we kidding. Toei saved an assload of money all over the place, most noticeably with extended flashbacks and lengthy title cards. But from within those dank corners of cheap came Agito/Akito, ready to bitchslap those who oppose with the tassels of doom. Her/his intergration to the (alleged) plot piqued traders interest as AIRG rounded out in the green.

We're not big on shit jokes here at the ASX (that's right Ice Age, take your business elsewhere) but there was definitely something funny about Ikki sporting such a serious expression while taking a dump.

With a 3/4 rise it looks like AIRG's offer price was just about right.

BLACK LAGOON 9

Not only did The Lagoon Company come through with an all out assault on Robert Rodreiguz' works (even including the uzi and rocket launcher in the suitcase) they actually managed to outdo the most likely illegal immigrant filmmaker; after all, Antonio Banderas' shotgun couldn't blow peoples clothes off. And sensing that they were in the zone and had consumers eating out of their trigger scorched hands, they immediately followed up with flying cars and Roberta Patrick going after James Cameron next (and I called it way before Rock did, bitches).

Stockbrokers eagerly anticipate next week to see what movie gets ripped off next. Early indications point towards Mad Dog and the Ruski recreating the epic drag race from Grease.

There was no way BLAGN stock was staying down after such a positive trading week.

BLEACH 81 (HIATUS)

The timely announcement of Ninjas and Soi Fong gave a quick injection to BLCH's stock which had been continually sliding as of late. Bleach Inc. managed to use this opportunity to shape this week's product in a manner so that it didn't manage to rock anyones socks to high heaven, but at the same time kept from boring anyones pants in the opposite direction.

Despite an increase, Bleach Inc. made public that it will not be continuing the adventures of Renji and blue balls, as they feel the marketplace is just too crowded for them to make a dent in at this time. ASX expects them to return when they have full backing of the manga again.

Ishida left to get captured again, but next week noone will be left to care.

ERGO PROXY 12

The moment everyone had been waiting for finally arrived as Ergo Proxy not only paired it's two protagonists together, but also moved them out of the murky grey wastelands and into the... damp green wastelands. Vincent Law hulked up with the threat of a rival proxy moving in on his sweet piece of gothic ass, but it was Real Mayar playing everyone cold as ice that really bumped EPROX up from the previous week.

LOL at Real schooling Iggy.

Analysts mentioned how funny it was that Real was considering shooting him just to test out if the anti-proxy bullets work. It's good to see that witch hunt logic still exists in the future.

Real was taken by surprise with EPROX's 1 1/4 point jump.

FATE/STAY NIGHT 24 (DELIST)

FSNT stock called it a night for the very last time on a chilly Friday evening. Unfortunately the only thing on the rise was it's orchestral score as the series rounded out. Traders may have found themselves a little choked up with Saber's resolution (a series based on her androgynous knights of the round may have been a better project), but they were crying buckets over the money they lost on this company.

Before the start of the season FSNT was hyped to be the next breakout stock, but it's initial offerings failed to shake the world and only served up a middling product and annoying male lead. Despite this, the company's share price appeared to make a break for it just before the end of the Q2 as the exposistion was shook off and it started to deliver some of the services that consumers were calling for.

After a short burst it began to stagnate about the 40 point mark, even though some analysts suspected that even this was a case of over-pricing. Their concerns looked to be right on the money, and the general concensus as it delisted seemeds to be that after it's mid-season reboot, Fate/Stay Night always seemed to be constantly on the verge of a kick ass episode, just waiting to boost it into the 45 mark of gold stock status, but each and every time it somehow failed to deliver on it's end of the bargain.

As the final trading day saw it come up short once again, FSNT spiraled into the low 30s and was put to bed for the last time.

Investors expected a lot from FSNT but got punched in the gut instead.

GUN X SWORD 20

The Claw Man held a press briefing today, to clearly detail his plans for world globalization. One brainwashed cultist from the island compound had this to say:

"I think having a New World Order is gooood. The illuminati knew what they were doing all the while back after all. Go one-world government!

A slightly less enthused reporter on site gave a different view:

"Anyone remember that scene from Boogie Nights where Buck is trying to reinvent his image and is dressed in a white gown at Jack Horner's New Years Eve party? Don Cheadle. Claw Man looks exactly like motherfucking Don Cheadle in this!

Outside of that, analysts came to the realization that Vann is probably going to get his ass handed to him. It took a while to notice, but beyond all the bluster and toughguy routine, he actually has no real street cred when it comes to fighting. They agreed that this does not bode well for the stocks future.

After the company made such a huge effort, few were happy about GSX's 1/4 loss.

HIGURASHI NO NAKU KORO NI 11

After a slight drop, HIGU managed to bounce back on Monday, like a baseball bat coming off someone's skull. Problems plaguing the company from last week still remain (all Higurashi needs is a black smoke monster roaming the village to be complete), but noone could say that The Corruption of Keiichi Suzumiya wasn't a compelling piece of TV (or torrent, if you will), regardless of everything behind it.

And what's with all the bicycles in Takano's car? Don't tell me that she's a killerloli killermilf too!

After much research, the only thing certain at this point is that Keiichi is a really bad liar. He gets busted every time, and it usually coincides with someone taking the big sleep shortly near after.

If stocks drop, Keiichi will deliver the swift bat of justice to you!

KASHIMASHI 10

The industry's local gender bender did nothing for the the first half of the week, and it was only in the second half that business began to pick up. Unfortunately the major announcement came off the heels of Tomari mistakingly seeing what looked like Yasuna and Hazumu making out, which will forever taint the legitimacy of the angle.

Stock problem: Kashimashi using the most flimsy dramatical device known to man: the patented "Oh I thought you were doing something dodgy when it was actually wasn't" technique.

Stock solution: Yasuna or Tomari snapping with jealousy and strangling the other to death in their own bed. End series with one stuffed in trunk of Takano-san's car.

Stockbrokers felt very lonely after KASHI dropped a full point on Thursday.

THE MELANCHOLY OF HARUHI SUZUMIYA 12

Hitting the end of Saturday's trading, Haruhi Suzumiya willed two schoolgirls with injuries and made the most gratuitous bid possible to sell more CD singles. Contrary to logic, stocks didn't only stay afloat, they began to rise, keeping HRHI close in the race for top spot on the exchange.

At first, investors felt something inherently wrong with a tune being carried from the mouth of Haruhi S. but that couldn't stop them getting in the mood as she began rocking out, hard (it is true that KyoAni would have animated a mosh pit and crowd surfing if the budget permitted).

Haruhi Suzumiya is fast approaching the end of it's financial quarter, and analysts feel as though it has already delivered two of what could be considered season "finishers." One can only muse as to how KyoAni truly plan to close out in two weeks time.

The vastly under-appreciated Tsuruya was a big part of HRHI's increase this week.

NHK NI YOUKOSO! (EARLY OFFER)

NHK ni Youkoso! (or Welcome To The NHK depending how fansubbers roll with it) is one of the top three awaited companys for the Summer season (Tsuyokiss and Honey & Clover 2 being the others, according to numerous polling data). This company is being built from a fairly notorious black comedy manga about the life of a paranoid hikikomori who believes there is a conspiracy against him. This could be a financial success or be bankrupt within weeks and is only suggested for traders with a strong stomach.

GONZO is acting as silent partner to the nervously anticipated NHK ni Youkoso.

OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB 11

While jumping through windows is always top of the line, high brow comedy, OURAN failed to connect with investors this Wednesday, due to Haruhi going MIA for the majority of the week.

The Host Club say that they are not worried about this slight misstep, and feel that their financial backers have no cause for concern given their past history on delivering the goods.

OURAN prayed to a number of Gods but couldn't stave off a 1/2 point slip.

ROZEN MAIDEN TRAUMEND 2

The recent departure of Suigintou from board of directors started to take it's toll, with it's effects hitting Shinku the hardest; sitting in dark rooms, and brooding all emo, instead of attending company meetings was one of the complaints leveled. Suigintou's replacement tried to provide the same kind of work ethic in an attempt to restore order, but sources say that Shinku found the pirate get-up too embarressing to deal with.

What happened to RZNT's gains this week? Hinaichigo stuffed them in her fat little cheeks.

THE THIRD 5

While their weekly output was pretty solid, THIRD stock was caught in an unfortunate case of being largely overpriced from the time it hit the market. What was originally billed as an action packed futuristic dessert punk thingamajig has morphed into a slow-burn sand dorama. While far from boring, it's not what investors were sold on the advertising.

A Harvard research paper also came out on Tuesday proving that the narration in The Third = (irritating x sux)². Some muse as to whether the early negative remarks from critics towards it's awkward exposition is a reason for the overuse of narration now.

There was little consolation for those who had THIRD in their portfolio, as it took the second biggest hit of the week with a 5 point freefall.

TSUYOKISS (EARLY OFFER)

The other big title for next season that's not about a blonde loli with a huge blank stare on her face is Tsuyokiss, a company dedicated to filling the harem love quota. But where other harem series usually are too big of pussys only include one tsundere character, Tsuyokiss are allegedly going balls to wall with nothing but tsundere! Masochistic otakus will not want to miss out on this security.

Billed as "Cool x Sweet," it's board of directors hopes it will translate to "Cash x Money."

YAKITATE!! JAPAN 69 (DELIST)

While the finale of Yakitate!! had enough gravitas to fill a Boston cream donut and certainly got people smiling, it was also one of the best examples of how not to schedule your anime series correctly, with a rushed pace in the end that would have made an MTV music video feel like a Lars von Trier movie about grass being mowed.

Regardless of the crammed run-time, many familiar faces returned for the send-off, including Pierrot for some special guest judging (but were we the only people hoping the legendary hero would be Kid though?).

After all is said and done with Yakitate's last business day, we have to reflect back on it as a whole, and it's undeniable that Pantasia and pals had a good run. However, somewhere coinciding with the end of the Monaco cup they slipped into a boring routine and just plain stopped trying to innovate the bread entertainment industry anymore. And as a result, the reports for their last financial year reflect this lackluster approach.

Yakitate!! Japan was finally done baking this Monday, but this is a case where it may have been left in the oven too long.

The inevitable answer to Kirisaki's question was "Yes."

Editorial: I swear I'm getting stupider

I like to consider myself of average intelligence. I'm not one of those people saying "how come he's not getting arrested" at the end of American Psycho; I can make with the laughs when watching british comedy; I think big words are kewl. But at the same time, I could never be mistaken for a guy in a wheelchair on television, that's for sure (seriously, there's a major ratio unbalance of dumb:genius cripples on TV, ever noticed that?).

And so sometimes things go over my head, or it takes me a little long to click to something. With anime, I can say for certain that Boogiepop Phantom confused me (thank god for the audio commentaries). GITS; I'm still not sure if I understand the concept of a stand-alone complex entirely. Ergo Proxy has me scratching my head a little, but it is only halfway complete so I got time to ponder.

But then I'm watching some DVDs I haven't previously seen fansubbed the other day, and as the series rounds out I found myself going "huh?"

The series in question: Elfen Lied.

Are you fucking kidding me? Even I'm disgusted. This isn't exactly Evangelion, or even Mai Otome in terms of complexity—I'm getting side swiped by freakin ELFEN LIED?? I thought it was clear that Nyuu got killed? Then who's at the door? What's that lab director guy mean by "this is only the beginning...."?

A pictorial recreation of what happened that day.

Is it possible that I'm just watching so much stuff nowdays that I'm overloaded and not letting the information sink in? Perhaps my brain is beginning to just shut down at the meager age of 26 after a daily diet of mi gorang noodles for breakfast 2 years straight.

Has Negima got room room for a sixth baka ranger?

Note: contrary to rant, I actually really enjoyed Elfen Lied I don't really see why it gets such a bad rap. It didn't matter how cute you were; no one was safe from getting their limbs torn off and abused. No other series has managed to keep me out of the comfort-zone like that.

Bishis sneak out Pirates for most productive week

A Word From Some Jabroni

It really hasn't been a big week for happenings. No giant stock leaps, barely anything of interest on ANN to gank for my little ticker up above (I don't even like Black Cat!). Nope, ain't nothing goin' on but the rent.

Ouran High School Host Club and Black Lagoon were the biggest earners this time around (both slowly encroaching on the #1 and #2 spots held by Haruhi (of the Suzumiya kind) and Higurashi (of the providing no answers kind)), with the later giving us one hell of an introduction and episode tease, and the former delivering some comedy of the year.

I gotta admit; I was pretty surprised by just how nonchalently they sold Haruhi's father to me on Ouran, but I kinda dig it... and I guess it makes sense if homosexuality and that isn't as big a deal in Japan as it is here (which I'm taking from wiki's Homosexuality In Japan page... Yes, I had to look up okama—a translation note probably wouldn't have gone awry LunarAnime).

Oh, and the bananas. Always the bananas.

Anyway, since it's a slow week we may as well wrap up short and get into it, lest I start telling you all about how I accidentally ripped my toenail out a few hours ago (I'm tuff tho, don't worry).

Crayotic Rockwell

The Week In Recap

AIR GEAR GOES PUBLIC

AIRG is the latest and greatest stock for those who like to imagine rollerblading is cool beyond 1992 (it isn't), or that an anime spit-shine can somehow make it so (it can't). Using the combination of fanservice, meganekko (Ringo > Simca), and the main character constantly falling off things, Air Gear provides a fastfood meal that, while not substantial, is easily digestable for those on the run.

And unlike Tenjou Tenge, it won't induce a burning anus afterwards.

A low offer price means all the more importance that Air Gear keeps a grip on matters.

BLACK LAGOON 8

In a bid to get more international exposure, The Lagoon Company blatently pandered to certain webmaster's obssesive fetish by introducing a killer meido to the show, and doing a little nod to Antonio Banderas' career highpoint at the same time.

While we at the ASX are all for girls with bifocals, aforementioned meido does look a bit too similar to Kevin from Sin City to hit the sweet spot in our pants.

BLAGN was up 2 1/2 points but Roberta stealing the limelight did not bode well for Rebby.

ERGO PROXY 11

As far as existentialist pieces go, Ergo Proxy's team proved that that they were up to the task to get artfag with it with lots of recycled-but-only-sorta animation. The reunion of Mayer and Law left many with high spirits that, as JR would say, "business, is about to pick up!"

It wasn't all roses however, because on Wednesday evening an article in Forbes Magazine came out, stating:

"... while [Ergo Proxy] can display some of the nicest visuals of the season (albeit somewhat hampered by a constant murky brown skyline now), it also tends to flip into some very questionable renderings of character facial details at mid-distance."

EPROX's rising share price was taken down a few notches after this announcement.

Kudos to Shinsen-subs whose liner notes taught us more useless knowledge than we'd learnt in the entire year passed.

Vincent Law wrestled with himself this week, much like EPROX's floor price.

FATE/STAY NIGHT 23

The marketing department of Fate/Stay Night pulled a sly one this week when they released a product that seemed as though a lot happened in it when really it was just a bunch of filibuster intercut with pretty sword sparks.

On Wednesday, the writers employed by FSN decided that Saber can use Excalibur after all. Even though Caster may have passed on, her wackness still lives as it appears that she couldn't even implement a plot device correctly.

And did Kirei really have to kill Shirou's dad? Our analysts believe that it's pointless to be upping the stakes with such left-field reveals this late in the financial quarter.

Tohsaka fought to stay awake watching the latest week of Fate/Stay Night.

GUN X SWORD 19

Vann and Ray made their comeback to the crawling franchise last Thursday to invigorate it with lotsa mech action, which worked somewhat. "Lotsa mech action" largely translated to "fumbling around" and "making pained expressions" which didn't exactly blow investors pants off, but some people got hot energy cannons to the face which is always rated highly in today's climate given the war on whiny brats.

GSX slowly rose by 1/4 despite how much yelling was made by stock brokers.

HIGURASHI NO NAKU KORO NI 10

In a bubble, Higurashi put out a suitably engrossing and creepy week of product for new traders looking to jump on the wagon. But for long time investors, this couldn't stop the feeling of helplessness as they sat, waiting for any kind of answers that would link the chapters together—even a hint would be okay, c'mon cut a brotherman a break!

HIGU underwent a full point drop as Satoko-chan went into chibi-sensei mode.

Decline of HIGU stock price caused some adverse reactions on the trading floor.

KASHIMASHI 9

Kashimashi finally made it's return on the ASX sporting damn mkv files, after months of waiting for fansubs that wouldn't come. They made their return with a not exactly ground-breaking move in delivering a matsuri/yukata episode, but made up with for it with subtext of the nudge-nudge variety.

There are factions out there who believe that Tomari and Yasuna are closer with each other than Hazumu anyway, and should hook up. That's one way to wrap up the series.

Kashimashi's delayed return to the exchange was surprising to many, after weeks of waiting.

MAGICAL POKAN 10

A temporary relocation to the snowy Alps saw Magical Pokan pull out more fanservice than stock holders could shake their sticks at. While they stuck to formula pretty closely this week, POKAN experienced a minor drop; perhaps an indication that fluff can only be sold to consumers for so long. There are also some say that Magical Pokan played the hermaphrodite card too early, and should really have saved it for the climax.

While not sinking as deep as Ai, POKAN found itself freezed out this week.

THE MELANCHOLY OF HARUHI SUZUMIYA 11

Seeing a winning strategy last week, the fan-frustrating company entrusted all it's resources to Nagato Yuki hoping she'd cause me to squeal like a girl. They were bang on the money as the "indespensible silent member" of the SOS Brigade h4x0r3d her way into our hearts.

Special mention goes out to the computer society who not only connected some plot points, but got down Lil Jon style (it seemed funny at the time).

Mikuru and her fleet of pink neko aliens saw HRHI through a 3/4 rise.

MUSHISHI 15

There was a mixed reaction to Mushishi's refined approach as seen in their new promotional artwork (Fig.A). While the ladies appeared to regard it quite highly, the male demograph were strongly against it, scared that Ginko will make away with their women.

Fig.A, Mushishi's new poster artwork.

OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB 10

Perhaps in part thanks to space mushrooms migrating from early Pani Poni Dash! that OURAN stock picked up this Tuesday to most people's joy. In spite of a product that caters to the richest fat cats out there, ironically the Ouran High School Host Club is never better than when it is dabbling in the matters of impoverished commoners.

The announcement of Haruhi's father being an okama was certainly a shock... but we're not saying in like a bad way, coz you know, it's totally cool and stuff—I mean, it's not our thing, but no problems if it's yours—some of our best friends watch Will & Grace even!

The presence of the Host Club in Haruhi's neighbourhood caused property values to jump as well as OURAN shares.

ROZEN MAIDEN TRAUMEND 1

A new financial year saw Rozen Maiden giving us another great serial killer carnivale'esque OP theme song and taking on the suffix "Traümend," which literally translates to "flying suitcase for make destruction."

While no major innovations were made, they displayed a bit of everything that made them such a success last year: flowery hamburgers, tsundere, Detective Kun-kun, the lazy eyed alligator of justice, and Jun getting smacked about a bunch.

Many were concerned over the departure of Suigintou from the company and what this would mean. On Monday they managed to breath a little easier as a replacement Maiden was brought in to fill her seat on the board of directors. Details for the new member are due to be released next week.

There was plenty of cackling made when Suiseiseki found out she had employment for another season.

XXXHOLIC 8

Wednesday, 12:15 AM PST, an article was written that shook the world to it's very core*. xxxHOLiC saw this and appropriately responded by releasing the Spooky Monkey Paw of Death®.

Everyone knows that there are two kinds of monkeys: the good chimp that solves crime around the world, and the bad chimp that is only interested in causing monkey business. This one was definately of the later as it ran wild on some moron who was making what had to be the most pathetic wishes in the history of mankind.

While this week saw stock on the rise, analysts don't predict it to hold for long.

* Not really

Many were happy with XHOLC's 1 1/2 performance, but more were impressed with Yuuko's hair styalist.

YAKITATE!! JAPAN 68

Something felt off this week, and it wasn't just that they broke into JR Tolkein's home and stole all his electricals. While it's a given that Yakitate is wanting some blockbuster reactions to cap off the series, there was definately something questionable about getting this kind of full-length fantasy episode when we're only one week away from them closing up shop for good.

Some have been saying that Pantasia's win was a fix and Kuryonagi has been compromised. I mean come on, "hands that love the ingrediants" is the reason why they won this—you fuckin' kidding me?

Yakitate submitted to mediocrity and a fall of 1 point.

ASX Theatre: "Despermeido" (performed by The Black Lagoon Players)

WARNING: If you have a phobia towards .jpgs larger than an erect Lexington Steel, you may want to avoid this post. (And yes, this is safe for work)

This started out as a quick photoshop for my weekly ASX recap (due in 24 hours... maybe a bit more depending how far this has set me back) but began to spiral out of control as I just kinda got in the mood and didn't really have a punchline to cap it off with. Anyway, if you've seen Robert Rodreiguz' Mexican gun flick, Desperado, this will make a whole lot more sense than it will to those who haven't.

I'll let The Black Lagoon Players take it away from here.

Hopefully I'm not the only one who saw the resemblances when they watched ep10?

Editorial: Jumping the Shoujo

Only one season ago and the hell girl series, Jigoku Shoujo, was a rousing success surely destined for gold stock status at the ASX. Flash forwards to now and it's desperately scraping it's way out the pits of bronze, where only the most questionable series languish. What exactly happened?

It gave the fans what they wanted.

It was an interesting concept with a simple format. Each week some asshole would turn up, push someone too far; then Enma Ai would put on her kimono, hit a sweet catchphrase, and said asshole would get his/her just desserts. It was an incredibly formulaic show, but it was entertaining. Which is a rare thing, because as a rule I can't stand purely episodic television if it isn't a comedy series. Especially one as predictable as this was. But maybe that's because the show was tailor-made for my disposition. I'm just that kinda guy.

You know when you see little kids in malls, being noisy or throwing a tantrum and then they fall on their face and start crying? That's oxygen for me. And watching Jigoku Shoujo was just like a weekly dosage of that, but with a kickass OST attached.

The world isn't as awesome as me, however, and some jobbers started complaining about it's repetitiveness and recycled dialogue (yeah, like you weren't all rolling the streets with your posse saying "ippen shinde miru" like it was the hottest thing out. We both know the truth). Eventually the series started to incorporate a larger umbrella story into it around the 12 episode mark, and that's when it all started falling apart like my relationships.

While I would usually be all over a larger plot like clear heels on strippers, the metastory ultimately took away from what made the series great in the first place. All the spooky horror atmosphere that had been done so well in the first half got sidelined as each episode started getting more and more grounded in reality as the Cock-Blocker Arc took off. We lost things like the unsettling camera angles, and gained things like Enma's entourage running after Hajime & Tsugumi like the three stooges instead.

And the problem when you begin time sharing stories is that you've naturally got less time to get things over with the audience. Not so bad for the ongoing plot, but for the singular plotline that has to be wrapped up in 22 minutes? Ow, Brutal difference.

But what of the "big" story then?

Well, I was holding out for the longest time thinking that the resolution would make it all worthwhile, but no—I was taken for a rube. Thet got me. While the last three or so episodes brought back some of the misplaced atmosphere, the big climax was ultimately a bust out because noone ever believed for a minute that Tsugumi would send her Father to hell, especially given that she had previously renegged her pro-Jigoku Shoujo stance a few episodes before (strange plot point given where it was headed).

I also just wasnt feeling the whole idea of humanizing Enma Ai so much. For the ladies: you know how sometimes you'll have your eye on a sekushii guy and you're fully digging him.. and then he starts talking and ruins it all? For the guys: let's say you're watching Hellraiser 23: Cenobite Boogaloo. You wouldn't want to be getting your watch on; really getting into it, and then have Pinhead time out to go seperate his recyclable trash from the burnables, and then take a large dump while duscussing a New York Times article on the latest Shania Twain CD with his Mum. Sure, it'd enrichen his character, but do we really benefit from it?

Sometimes character dev is good. Sometimes you've just gotta keep the mystery.

Anyway, I hear that a second season is in the works. Hopefully they've got all that Smart Writing out of their system and I'll be able to relax with some quality bite size pieces of revenge. Consider me cautious.

Black Lagoon holds the market to ransom

A Word From Some Jabroni

If there's a silver lining with my computer taking the ASX out of commission for a couple of weeks, it's that I managed to get up-to-date on most series. Working from a backlog is in a word: "wack as hell." For one, I hate recapping more than one ep at a time; and two, while writing about a show twenty weeks after the fact is retro, writing about it five weeks after is more like, "so passé darling."

While I was away I also managed to check out Ray: The Animation and Kamisama Kozoku; two series I had been looking forward to. Ray sadly looked craptastic and felt too serious for a series with a pirate doctor in it, while Kamisama just had that air of mediocrity about it, saying that it'd always be middling around the $30 margin. So neither of those made the cut.

Then again, I thought the same kind of thing for Black Lagoon, which turned out to be the biggest win this week. I really didn't see it coming, but something just punked me in the eye with the whole immorality of this series.

Dutch is the closest thing to a Leader on Black Lagoon.

Usually, writers tend to keep their anti-hero character's negative traits more ambiguous by throwing in some comedy or using distractions to keep them from doing anything truly irreprehensible. But with Rebby they don't use any of these devices to protect her. When Rock tells her not to steal medals from the dead soldiers, most characters would have shook their head and then said "Sheesh, what an annoying guy" or some other cop-out. Instead our lovely tatooed lass sits him down and then delivers a Neitchzen speech that even had me convinced that grave robbing is kewl. And it can't be emphasized enough how badical it is that she actually does pull the trigger when she has a gun to Rock's head.

Nobody's safe from Rebby's warpath. Not even cute Nazis.

The girl is basically a sociopath, and she would be the villian in this series if there wasn't worse people out there to contend with.

There's much more to like about Black Lagoon than that of course. The fact that it's not just all wham-bam action and has actual character drama in it definately extends it's lifespan tenfold.

Introspective moments like this are part of BL's charm.

It will be interesting to see how this one plays out, given how small the available material they have to work with from the manga. I just hope they don't try to turn this into a redemption piece. This is one case where I have to vote against tsundere.

Crayotic Rockwell

The Week In Recap

BLACK LAGOON 7

While the exchange was down, The Lagoon Company began a nationwide image campaign making Rebby the new role model for all young girls who want to massacre ships of nazis when they grow up. Their effort was a rousing success, and it continued into this current week which saw Rebby and Rock encountering an afro pimp, killer penguins, and russian porno (nice to see there's some stuff which even surprises Rebbeca) during a road trip.

As one stockbroker said, "Only the Lagoon Company makes indirect kissing look super tuff."

"I came to raise stocks and chew bubblegum. And I'm fresh out of bubblegum... oh wait, I do have some."

BLEACH 80

On Wednesday, Bleach Inc went into true episodic fashion complete with introduce-a-bunch-of-stuff-and-then-fucking-reset-everything-at-the-end techniques. This was not good news for investors, who were only treated to less than 2 minutes of mecha-doll entertainment out of a 22 minute car wreck. If things don't pick up soon, the only place BLCH shares may be found is on the CRAYDAQ scrap-heap.

BLCH's market performance of late would make anyone cry.

ERGO PROXY 10

Androgany was all the rage as Ergo Proxy devoted most of it's resources to Daedalus, and Director General Raul trying to get his rub on with him/her. There was some worry earlier on with rumours of Real Mayer's death, but that turned out to be a swerve and she was hiding in the burbs all along, chasing gothlolis down.

A Mayer vs Law showdown is the easiest bet from here. But the big money we consider, would be in a Pino vs Daedalus shoot fight.

EPROX proved it still had life in it as it rose a half point.

FATE/STAY NIGHT 22

Monday marked the day that it was discovered that Fate/Stay Night was secretly working towards WMDs under the guise of The Holy Grail. US military, estatic that they have actual proof this time, are slated to invade Japan in the upcoming weeks to liberate Saber's bra straps.

In other news, Lancer made a return to the company just as everyone was wondering if he died while they slept through the first half of the series. He wound up jobbing for the sake of the company, but to little effect since no one actually gave a toss about him in the first place.

Shirou over-reacted to a three quarter point fall this week.

GUN X SWORD 18

Despite Vann taking time off and only bothering to pony up a 5 second cameo and a week that many considered unimpressive, there was confidence that Gun X Sword would use this short-term deviation of lackadaisy to build a stronger long-term product.

Unfortunately, the loss of Baricarl also suggests the loss of future swimsuit fanservice in the series for fans of, uh, service.

HIGURASHI NO NAKU KORO NI 9

The announcement of a the third story meant two things for traders: another rotting corpse, and more confusement as to where in the blue hell this takes place in the timeline. Stock brokers can't tell if they just haven't thought about it enough, or they're waiting on more facts, or if this is an alternate world like Killerlolis In Tokyo is to Killerlolis Muyo!.

Breaking the hot streak it was on, some very questionable voice acting and score usage in the opening sequence and when Rena spazzed out put a damper on what was a fairly revealing—if not overly exciting—week for Higurashi.

Worry was felt on the field as HIGU found itself 3/4 down.

JIGOKU SHOUJO 26 (DELIST)

Jigoku Shoujo pulled out all stops in an attempt to save a poor financial fourth quarter, by terrorizing Tsugumi-chan for a full 22 minutes. But no matter how much existential swingset action they gave, very few bought into gravitas of the finale, and they couldn't stop a painful nine and a quarter blow being delivered to investors, after full inventory of the season and final market adjustment was taken.

ADDENDUM: At 6:24pm the main and backup servers to Hotline To Hell's website experienced a crash due to traffic overload. Sources state that this was due to an influx of suddenly poverty-stricken traders wanting to take revenge for the millions of dollars lost on JKSJ. Names are being withheld.

Investor's paydirt got ferried to hell along with their JKSJ stock.

THE MELANCHOLY OF HARUHI SUZIMIYA 10

After a couple of questionable weeks, including the Bookreadergate fracas (otherwise known as "KyoAni Saving Shitloads of Money"), HRHI bounced back up with Androido-a-Androido action and Mikuru2 from the even-more future than previous; the later concept ensuring plenty of H-doujinshi material to mine for years.

Recent trends prove that Nagato Yuki is waay more over than Rei Ayanami. And I was saying this even before her data manipulation no jutsu.

It appears as though we're still jumping about the chronological come next week, despite there only being four episodes left to shuffle. Some were hoping that this week would lead us into a final home stretch of linear plot, but it looks as though those people are going to have to wait. We asked Asahina-san if her superiors were responsible for all this episodic time traveling; "classified information" was the only response given.

And BTW Kyon, you're WRONG.

HRHI was back in the green come Sunday, after taking a few earlier hits.

MUSHISHI 14

Branching out (pun) into the field of botany, Mushishi released designs for new gentical human/bamboo hybrids; amazing the press room at midday, but kinda creeping them out as the day wore on and they began to envision the child birth (Regular newborn babies look weird enough, but delivering a bamboo shoot seems too Cronenberg's The Fly'esque for my tastes).

The company continues to build a rich world and atmosphere, while remaining fresh in the risky business of one-off storylines. Analysts remain quietly confident that they can keep the trend going as they move into the Q3.

MUSHI stock grew just shy of 2 points this week.

OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB 9

Outside of instant coffee gags Ouran had a very slow and uneventful week. With new competitors breaking into the market in the form of the Otome High School Yuri Club, many were expecting an exciting battle of commerce, but instead got offloaded with bargain-priced exposition and cheap crossdressing.

It remains to be seen whether or not the Yuri Club will prove any true competition for Ouran in the future, forcing the original Host Club to bring it's quality back to what consumers expect, or if they will continue to rest on their laurels.

OURAN dropped 3/4 while the company president failed to take action.

ROZEN MAIDEN 12

Proof that Rozen Maiden is what happens when the Japanese do their version of Toy Story, everyone got a chance to do their best Cowgirl Jane emo moment complete with Sarah McLachlan singing the soundtrack. Yes, this even included Suigintou, who even may have squeezed some tears out of investors if they weren't morbidly looking at her flaming chest.

Stock analysts were largely impressed with how the CEOs of Rozen Maiden handled their company, but one area of contention they had was the action sequences overall. Aside from Shinku's Tank Abbott'esque one-punch, the fight scenes were pretty underwhelming. Even Suigintou's dark feather mahou—which seemed so deadly at first; shredding clothing and peircing concrete—ended up acting like little more than a strong gust of wind by the last episode.

And who knew Lempicka and Jade Dream could be stolen back so easily? What a gyp desu!

Despite these little problems, RZEN rounded out it's season finale with a large gain in adjust, putting it somewhere between the Watch-Again and DVD-Purchase category.

Shinku looks awesome with her hair down, but Rozen Maiden looks even better with it's stock up.

XXXHOLIC 7

After six episodes, XHOLC stock failed to live up to it's offer price of $35 p/share. While Yuuko Ichihara, xxxHOLiC CEO was considered favorable to many, the vice-chairman, Kimihiro Watanuki was on the outs for most investors, citing reasons ranging from "lame-ass" to "unfunny" to "scarily gangly."

Research data indicates very little chance of an upper management shuffle or change in attitudes, leaving the x-factor of an overarching story one of the few opportunities left to make a dent in an already competitive market season.

Watanuki is scolded for ruining xxxHOLiC's floor price.

YAKITATE!! JAPAN 67

"All stock must go!" was Yakitate's sales pitch this Thursday as they moved into the final two matches and pulled out the big guns with long-time Pantasia nemisis; Yukino and her blizzard palms. All was looking routine as usual for the company until Roland Emmerich decided to turn up and Summer blockbuster everyone's ass in the last five minutes.

Will there even be an episode available to sub next week?? Who knows!

Yukino does a Muttley impression as JPAN rises a quarter point.

Editorial: The Sadism Of Crayotic Rockwell

Foreword: I'm freezing my fingers off typing this, but figured what the hell; gotta keep my exposure up or risk losing street cred with Da Bloggerz. The Stock Exchage should be back up this Sunday/Monday barring any new problems with my computer, so if that's your gig, please look forward to it and stuff.

Crayotic Rockwell

I spend a lot of time on the computer. We're talking a large majority of the day. If you were to imagine me as one of those chunky guys grafted to a $9.95 Walmart computer chair eating bolagnaise sauce through an IV drip, you'd be thinking smart money. So naturally I wind up surfing the cyber information highway a bit, and during this time I read my fair share of anime blogs that other fat guys have written. Possibly even some fat girls. In fact, I've read every single post ever made on anime ever, and I think I can safely say that without hyperbole.

And usually the community tinkers away and I don't feel the need to step in... but lately I've been noticing a growing trend that I think has to be nipped in the butt before it sprouts pants and becomes something of history.

This, of course, concerns the line of thought that Asahina Mikuru is moe.

Now, I don't lay blame on anyone in particular. After all, moe is such a debated term already, and much like thinking Lost is a well written television series, it's a fairly easy misconception to make.

You see, at face value, Mikuru-chan meets all the requirements no question about it. Sure. But the genius of the matter is that she doesn't just settle for standard out-of-the-box moe; she reaches a new power level and goes super saiyin level 5 with it. Because what happens is that she becomes so omega moe of the year that it actually begins to circle back on itself and eat it's own tail. Like the millenium snake. This girl is quite possibly the pure antithesis of moe, in a weird backwards kinda way.

My take on the matter is that for a character to be truly moe, at the end of the day you ultimately need to feel protective of them. And this is anything but the case for Mikuru. Because I derive great joy from seeing her hiding under a baseball mit in fear. I giggle when she yelps at the mention of handing out flyers. Every week I want to see what new and exciting ways Haruhi can torture poor Mikuru.

And I'd wager that a lot of you do too.

Should we feel ashamed about it? Hmmm... There's this term, coined by the Germans, called "Schadenfreude." Which means gaining pleasure from the misfortune of others. This is a legitimate, common psychological condition, and if Alan Shore can argue it as defence on an episode of Boston Legal I don't see anything wrong with indulging in a bit of it from time to time.

Does it help that Haruhi Suzumiya is dishing out the misfortune? Sure, it doesn't hurt. But Mikuru is also just so entertaining that I think even if it was Osama Bin Laden in the Ultra Director's seat we'd get a good chuckle (note: 911 was not caused by Haruhi's boredom while visiting America. These rumours are vicious slander).

Actually, who's up to see a Mikuru spin-off series? Every week an evil villian would threaten Japan, only to be confronted by Mikurun-run who would transform into super mahou shoujo and then cower in a corner. I see ratings going through the roof!

Take that, Osama Bin Lamer!

More Mikuru photos for your viewing pleasure: Img A, Img B, Img C, Img D, Img E, Img F, Img G