Crayotic Knows Everything: Coyote Ragtime

A new installment to blow out your ass.

Last time we discovered conclusive evidence that Zero no Tsukaima will fail unless it plays the racial card; this week we're moving away from that and are going to take an in-depth look at one of the critically panned series of the season. That being Coyote Ragtime (I don't know why I felt compelled to spell it out. It's in the topic after all).

After the first episode I told people to hang in there, and that ufotable would swerve us after the big action with some heartfelt storytelling, like they did with Futakoi Alternative.

Okay, we're four episodes in and that doesn't seem to be the case.

Now I'm man enough to admit when I may have been wrong. But I'm also secure enough in my manhood to admit that I'm pretty awesome and can pinpoint what's going wrong here. And when I say pinpoint, I don't mean I'm going to be like these whiners and say "Coyote Ragtime sucks because it's not artfag enough to gently tickle my balls like Honey & Clover does."

Instead, I'll tell you—drawing on, quite literally, months of extensive blogging knowledge—why Coyote Ragtime is failing as an actioneer.

Searched all of Danbooru and couldn't find one Coyote Ragtime pic. Enjoy the randomess.

Problem: Who's the protagonists?

Sure, on paper it's Mister and his ragtag bunch of coyotes. They get the most screentime after all. But when you think about it, they haven't actually earnt the distinction. Usually a group of writers will get the characters over with comedy, bad assery, or service. So far Mister and pals have just been holding their buttock cheeks and running for broke.

Sure, they've had a few moments to act cool, but when you consider that the main character is an aging old coot with a mouth big enough to fit 4 balogna sandwiches in it, and the sidekicks is an equally old Don King stunt double, an emo girl, and two guys (that's all they are to me as of now since they add jack)... well the odds are already stacked against them.

Add to the fact that on the far right we have an no shit taking librarian with a doujikko tagalong, and on the far left we have Marciano with a gaggle of fetishtastic meidos... Mister , Swamp, Franca, and the other two really look bland by comparison.

And when your antagonists are more awesome than the heros? That's just a recipe for Bad End.

I don't really got no issues, but bandwagon jumping is FTW.

What's the solution?

Pretty simple one really. Just let the crew grow some cojones. I'll admit that they got their work cut out for them with Mister and Swamp, since they're so old and they've already been stuck with this cuddly teddy bear kind of stigma, rendering any kind of Clint Eastwood hardness a tough sell.

BUT they can pull out Morgin Freeman'esque sagely wisdom and there's still room for coolness if they start outwitting their opponants with well laid plans (it worked for crinkly George Clooney in Ocean's 11/12/+).

The introduction of a fourth and more destable party would help, as would getting Marciano more visually involved with the plots against Mister—because right now, beating a bunch of gothlolis means nothing unless we get to see Marciano shake her fist and say "and I would have got away with it if it wasn't for you pesky kids!"

Now go fix up your shit ufotable, I just gave you gold.