Black Lagoon holds the market to ransom

A Word From Some Jabroni

If there's a silver lining with my computer taking the ASX out of commission for a couple of weeks, it's that I managed to get up-to-date on most series. Working from a backlog is in a word: "wack as hell." For one, I hate recapping more than one ep at a time; and two, while writing about a show twenty weeks after the fact is retro, writing about it five weeks after is more like, "so passé darling."

While I was away I also managed to check out Ray: The Animation and Kamisama Kozoku; two series I had been looking forward to. Ray sadly looked craptastic and felt too serious for a series with a pirate doctor in it, while Kamisama just had that air of mediocrity about it, saying that it'd always be middling around the $30 margin. So neither of those made the cut.

Then again, I thought the same kind of thing for Black Lagoon, which turned out to be the biggest win this week. I really didn't see it coming, but something just punked me in the eye with the whole immorality of this series.

Dutch is the closest thing to a Leader on Black Lagoon.

Usually, writers tend to keep their anti-hero character's negative traits more ambiguous by throwing in some comedy or using distractions to keep them from doing anything truly irreprehensible. But with Rebby they don't use any of these devices to protect her. When Rock tells her not to steal medals from the dead soldiers, most characters would have shook their head and then said "Sheesh, what an annoying guy" or some other cop-out. Instead our lovely tatooed lass sits him down and then delivers a Neitchzen speech that even had me convinced that grave robbing is kewl. And it can't be emphasized enough how badical it is that she actually does pull the trigger when she has a gun to Rock's head.

Nobody's safe from Rebby's warpath. Not even cute Nazis.

The girl is basically a sociopath, and she would be the villian in this series if there wasn't worse people out there to contend with.

There's much more to like about Black Lagoon than that of course. The fact that it's not just all wham-bam action and has actual character drama in it definately extends it's lifespan tenfold.

Introspective moments like this are part of BL's charm.

It will be interesting to see how this one plays out, given how small the available material they have to work with from the manga. I just hope they don't try to turn this into a redemption piece. This is one case where I have to vote against tsundere.

Crayotic Rockwell

The Week In Recap

BLACK LAGOON 7

While the exchange was down, The Lagoon Company began a nationwide image campaign making Rebby the new role model for all young girls who want to massacre ships of nazis when they grow up. Their effort was a rousing success, and it continued into this current week which saw Rebby and Rock encountering an afro pimp, killer penguins, and russian porno (nice to see there's some stuff which even surprises Rebbeca) during a road trip.

As one stockbroker said, "Only the Lagoon Company makes indirect kissing look super tuff."

"I came to raise stocks and chew bubblegum. And I'm fresh out of bubblegum... oh wait, I do have some."

BLEACH 80

On Wednesday, Bleach Inc went into true episodic fashion complete with introduce-a-bunch-of-stuff-and-then-fucking-reset-everything-at-the-end techniques. This was not good news for investors, who were only treated to less than 2 minutes of mecha-doll entertainment out of a 22 minute car wreck. If things don't pick up soon, the only place BLCH shares may be found is on the CRAYDAQ scrap-heap.

BLCH's market performance of late would make anyone cry.

ERGO PROXY 10

Androgany was all the rage as Ergo Proxy devoted most of it's resources to Daedalus, and Director General Raul trying to get his rub on with him/her. There was some worry earlier on with rumours of Real Mayer's death, but that turned out to be a swerve and she was hiding in the burbs all along, chasing gothlolis down.

A Mayer vs Law showdown is the easiest bet from here. But the big money we consider, would be in a Pino vs Daedalus shoot fight.

EPROX proved it still had life in it as it rose a half point.

FATE/STAY NIGHT 22

Monday marked the day that it was discovered that Fate/Stay Night was secretly working towards WMDs under the guise of The Holy Grail. US military, estatic that they have actual proof this time, are slated to invade Japan in the upcoming weeks to liberate Saber's bra straps.

In other news, Lancer made a return to the company just as everyone was wondering if he died while they slept through the first half of the series. He wound up jobbing for the sake of the company, but to little effect since no one actually gave a toss about him in the first place.

Shirou over-reacted to a three quarter point fall this week.

GUN X SWORD 18

Despite Vann taking time off and only bothering to pony up a 5 second cameo and a week that many considered unimpressive, there was confidence that Gun X Sword would use this short-term deviation of lackadaisy to build a stronger long-term product.

Unfortunately, the loss of Baricarl also suggests the loss of future swimsuit fanservice in the series for fans of, uh, service.

HIGURASHI NO NAKU KORO NI 9

The announcement of a the third story meant two things for traders: another rotting corpse, and more confusement as to where in the blue hell this takes place in the timeline. Stock brokers can't tell if they just haven't thought about it enough, or they're waiting on more facts, or if this is an alternate world like Killerlolis In Tokyo is to Killerlolis Muyo!.

Breaking the hot streak it was on, some very questionable voice acting and score usage in the opening sequence and when Rena spazzed out put a damper on what was a fairly revealing—if not overly exciting—week for Higurashi.

Worry was felt on the field as HIGU found itself 3/4 down.

JIGOKU SHOUJO 26 (DELIST)

Jigoku Shoujo pulled out all stops in an attempt to save a poor financial fourth quarter, by terrorizing Tsugumi-chan for a full 22 minutes. But no matter how much existential swingset action they gave, very few bought into gravitas of the finale, and they couldn't stop a painful nine and a quarter blow being delivered to investors, after full inventory of the season and final market adjustment was taken.

ADDENDUM: At 6:24pm the main and backup servers to Hotline To Hell's website experienced a crash due to traffic overload. Sources state that this was due to an influx of suddenly poverty-stricken traders wanting to take revenge for the millions of dollars lost on JKSJ. Names are being withheld.

Investor's paydirt got ferried to hell along with their JKSJ stock.

THE MELANCHOLY OF HARUHI SUZIMIYA 10

After a couple of questionable weeks, including the Bookreadergate fracas (otherwise known as "KyoAni Saving Shitloads of Money"), HRHI bounced back up with Androido-a-Androido action and Mikuru2 from the even-more future than previous; the later concept ensuring plenty of H-doujinshi material to mine for years.

Recent trends prove that Nagato Yuki is waay more over than Rei Ayanami. And I was saying this even before her data manipulation no jutsu.

It appears as though we're still jumping about the chronological come next week, despite there only being four episodes left to shuffle. Some were hoping that this week would lead us into a final home stretch of linear plot, but it looks as though those people are going to have to wait. We asked Asahina-san if her superiors were responsible for all this episodic time traveling; "classified information" was the only response given.

And BTW Kyon, you're WRONG.

HRHI was back in the green come Sunday, after taking a few earlier hits.

MUSHISHI 14

Branching out (pun) into the field of botany, Mushishi released designs for new gentical human/bamboo hybrids; amazing the press room at midday, but kinda creeping them out as the day wore on and they began to envision the child birth (Regular newborn babies look weird enough, but delivering a bamboo shoot seems too Cronenberg's The Fly'esque for my tastes).

The company continues to build a rich world and atmosphere, while remaining fresh in the risky business of one-off storylines. Analysts remain quietly confident that they can keep the trend going as they move into the Q3.

MUSHI stock grew just shy of 2 points this week.

OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB 9

Outside of instant coffee gags Ouran had a very slow and uneventful week. With new competitors breaking into the market in the form of the Otome High School Yuri Club, many were expecting an exciting battle of commerce, but instead got offloaded with bargain-priced exposition and cheap crossdressing.

It remains to be seen whether or not the Yuri Club will prove any true competition for Ouran in the future, forcing the original Host Club to bring it's quality back to what consumers expect, or if they will continue to rest on their laurels.

OURAN dropped 3/4 while the company president failed to take action.

ROZEN MAIDEN 12

Proof that Rozen Maiden is what happens when the Japanese do their version of Toy Story, everyone got a chance to do their best Cowgirl Jane emo moment complete with Sarah McLachlan singing the soundtrack. Yes, this even included Suigintou, who even may have squeezed some tears out of investors if they weren't morbidly looking at her flaming chest.

Stock analysts were largely impressed with how the CEOs of Rozen Maiden handled their company, but one area of contention they had was the action sequences overall. Aside from Shinku's Tank Abbott'esque one-punch, the fight scenes were pretty underwhelming. Even Suigintou's dark feather mahou—which seemed so deadly at first; shredding clothing and peircing concrete—ended up acting like little more than a strong gust of wind by the last episode.

And who knew Lempicka and Jade Dream could be stolen back so easily? What a gyp desu!

Despite these little problems, RZEN rounded out it's season finale with a large gain in adjust, putting it somewhere between the Watch-Again and DVD-Purchase category.

Shinku looks awesome with her hair down, but Rozen Maiden looks even better with it's stock up.

XXXHOLIC 7

After six episodes, XHOLC stock failed to live up to it's offer price of $35 p/share. While Yuuko Ichihara, xxxHOLiC CEO was considered favorable to many, the vice-chairman, Kimihiro Watanuki was on the outs for most investors, citing reasons ranging from "lame-ass" to "unfunny" to "scarily gangly."

Research data indicates very little chance of an upper management shuffle or change in attitudes, leaving the x-factor of an overarching story one of the few opportunities left to make a dent in an already competitive market season.

Watanuki is scolded for ruining xxxHOLiC's floor price.

YAKITATE!! JAPAN 67

"All stock must go!" was Yakitate's sales pitch this Thursday as they moved into the final two matches and pulled out the big guns with long-time Pantasia nemisis; Yukino and her blizzard palms. All was looking routine as usual for the company until Roland Emmerich decided to turn up and Summer blockbuster everyone's ass in the last five minutes.

Will there even be an episode available to sub next week?? Who knows!

Yukino does a Muttley impression as JPAN rises a quarter point.