BL NC* - $29.75 // Kzka ↑4.½ - $22.0 // Nar ↑0.¾ - $37.0 // Ser NC* - $37.50 // SaiCha ↑15.0 - $45.0 // JkuSM ↓2.½ - $20.50 // GaKu ↑2.¾ - 33.0 // Eprxy ↑2.0 – $32

Monday, May 08, 2006

ASX goes live, and deadly girls dominate the exchange

Image of ASX Index ending 08/05/2006

A Word From Some Jabroni
This was quite an active week, with ASX opening it's doors, a date and trailer for the new Hellsing OVA given, Korea starting judgement day with it's EveR-1 series of killer cyborgs, and three IPOs added to the exchange.

The most surprising was Dai Mahou Touge which came completely out of left field. I'm not sure why nobody is talking about it. Perhaps it's left-over stink from Dokuro-chan (image)? Because they're directed by the same man, and both do operate on the same selling-point (cute girl doing vicious things). But while Dokuro-chan had it's moments, once the credits rolled I always felt violated afterwards. Dai Mahou Touge doesn't have any of that. I think it helps that it's more parody-orientated and the designs don't flip into uber-ugly-mode. Oh, and submitting suckers is rad. Shame that it's not a TV series, really.

One question though: which is a better magical chant? "Pi piru piru pi piri pi" or "Lyrical Tokarev, Kill them all"?

Crayotic Rockwell

Princess Armlock
DAIMA made all the other IPOs tap out, opening high above them

The Week in Review


Black Lagoon saw a sizeable increase as investors were drawn to it's morally bereft protagonists. Blade: Trinity's Jessica Biel is rumored to be considering a lawsuit against Levi's usage of Ass-kickery whilst listening to portable music devices; a technique purportedly created by Ms. Biel. We'll have more information as it comes in.


Bleach Inc surprised the business world this week with an increased output of hot action in both their OVA and TV product. Initial trends indicate that Ex-Shinigami, Maki, is haardo gay for Kariya-sama. Suspicion of company's staying power kept stock price to a minimal gain.

BLOOD 24-25

Episode 24 ended in the defeat of Saya, and Diva delivering the crushing words: "Let's go. I need a new dress." What? I NEED A NEW DRESS?? Many wonder if the blatent cop-out was the reason for such a dismal stockprice in the outset of Blood+'s week. Somehow it managed to rally back with the release of episode 25, raising a number of questions, such as to the future performance stats of recently undead Riku; why Saya doesn't just incest herself an army of Chevaliers (it's not like Kai does anything besides emote); and how did the musical score from The Rock manage to find it's way into the scene where Saya gets a new katana?

BLDP saw a bad week, but like Saya managed to pull through in the last minutes


The company known as Dokuro-chan Corporation recently restructured itself and is now known as Dai Mahou Touge. The revamped business mandate outlines for eighty percent less crass humour, and at least quadruple output of self-peeling and wanton vegetable sacrifice. Investors interested in absurdist humor or magical mascots living by the Yakuza code could see good returns from DAIMA. The market is expected to see an increased trade of armbars and headlocks in the following months.


Industry pundits were shocked to see DSGA still trading this week, let alone increasing it's share price. Better animation and less back-and-forth boredom saw a quarter point rise for the RPG turned train-wreck. Despite a positive week, insider sources claim that Disgaea is still very much on the verge of bankruptcy.


Despite their main product suffering from the Matrix Sequel condition (accute symptoms: too many smelly peasants, and outside world being far less interesting than the constructed one), EPROX managed to jump four dollars a share on pure intrigue and Pino alone. Researchers predict Riru+Daldaedus HLA in the immediate future.

Ergo Proxy
Inspector Riru Mayar spent most of the week getting shafted, but that wasn't the case for EPROX's floor price


Nationwide polls showing that 90% of people find Shirou to be the worst male lead in an action series and all around giant pussy couldn't stop FSNT gaining a point and a half as Archer faced off Terminator-Hercules in a battle to the death, engrish vs rawr style. Investors predict more exciting action in the future to come. Question has been raised as to why a servant whose main skillset is pulling infinate swords from what could only be described as "His Ass" would choose the title of Archer. Answers were not forthcoming.


The discovery of Mai Otome waitressing a village diner surprised many while the market floor exploded in a trading ferver of bank transfers and needle-laced onigiri as HIGU skyrocketed to new heights. Upon learning of Keiichi's parent's untimely visit to Tokyo, one stock broker went on record as saying: "RUUNN! GET THE FUCK OUT OF THAT TOWN"


Jigoku Shoujo innovated it's simple concept once again, while Tsugumi entered the business world of comically bad drawings (staying just behind Bleach Inc's Kuchiki Rukia). This, and creepy aunts who have corpses tied in the basement helped the Hell Girl's stock, although lack of revenge kept it from reaching full potential. Analysts predict that continued supply shortages of Ippen Shinde Miru may eventually hurt the share price of Hell's top franchise.


Even chibi Ayuki-chan failed to make an impact in the stockprice as the market floor closed out wth no change for the underrated cocktease series. Shareholders want to know if Ayuki has a few screws loose or is just tripping acid.

Hazuma isn't the only one worried about the uncertainty of KASHI's future


This new security opens at a solid $35 point price. Magical Pokan offers investors a chance to be on the cutting edge of loli-tastic jailtime. This company is the true heir to innovation in the realm of werewolf-vampire-witch-android orgies. Our analysts suggest looking into this stock only for those who have no shame in their portfolio.


This week Kyoto Animation issued a press statement revealing Haruhi Suzumiya's involvement in the Second Impact. This saw The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya do a solid week trade, along-side Halliburton (NYSE: HAL) as construction of Tokyo-4 began. Analyts appreciated how the explanations given to Kyon came in Spring Romance, Swing-time, and Mind-rape De Shinji (also known as The Melancholy Of Evangelion) flavours.

The Gropage Of Haruhi Suzumiya
Everything was fine for HRHI which remained top secruity on the index. Mikuru ended up getting groped in the SOS club room. Again.


Despite suffering from a slow fansub production output, resulting in "who-the-hell-is-that-again?" syndrome, PetoPeto-San Industries saw a positive bump in price. Sahara sharing food with Shingo, her following response, and Petoko's continued rise to stardom arc kept investor's confidence steady. A few wondered what the hell was up with the astronaught analogy though.


Another doll joins the Captain Jun harem this week. This new character's suitcase not only explains what was in Marcellus Wallace's briefcase in Pulp Fiction, it also has the useful ability to throw itself through people's bedroom windows at will. Things quickly strayed from The Alice and Jun-Humiliation Games and RZEN wound up taking a full point drop as the product turned emo-fag.

Look, it's Sui.. Suisei... Her name's Sui-something!
The fact that share holders couldn't remember the new Maiden's name was proof of RZEN's latest price


Early comparisons of TOKKO to Elfen Lied by other industry analysts proved ridiculously unfounded, as company Chairman earlier told press that their mission statement is to "pussy out" and look "as artistically crippled as possible." Despite incestual overtones and comical value of human face bugs, TOKK went public on the CRAYDAQ at a less than enthusiastic share price.


Obscure veterinarian parodies and dog-toupees couldn't stop JPAN from sliding a quarter point with the worst reaction yet during the first half of episode. Market buzz says that confidence was also shaken with fansubber's translation duties of aforementioned reaction. A Spokesperson for Anime-Kraze replied to the rumours: "Yeah? You planning on starting your own group? I don't see anyone else subbing the show."

NOTE: Unless otherwise mentioned, no Previews or Spoilers are used and/or wanted to base above market data on.


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